My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

my Wednesday

Is it already Thursday? Yesterday was SUCH a day! It's almost laughable to me now that I spent so many months in desperate loneliness in Jacksonville... and here I am surrounded by people who love me! To the extent that I feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day to love 'em all back properly!

I woke up around 4am yesterday... was just awake... couldn't go back to sleep. I would have done well with another hour or two of sleep... but it is what it is...

Work was hectic. Has been hectic. We've had computer problems (not mine) and phone problems (not mine) so our staff has been spread thin (especially me) trying to cover all the bases. Remember how I'm not supposed to talk much? It's not working well for me this week. I was relatively pain free the first part of the week due to the heavy duty anti-inflammatory meds - but I could only take those for five days. This morning I am feeling the hint of a little bit of pain... and I am going to try to ignore it.

I had lunch with Crunch-n-Munch yesterday and it was great. We enjoy each other quite a bit. We have a good time together. I'm so very cautious about - well, entering into any relationship - for so many reasons. I am doing so well but I doubt my ability to handle disappointment yet. There have been patterns in my life of falling too easily, allowing someone else to become too important too quickly... and I am determined to not let that happen. I am also married, even though my husband has given me his "blessing" that I should "move on" and date whomever I like, obviously, this is what he is doing. I know that the emotional disconnect has already taken place but the legal and moral disconnect is not quite complete. I'm still a month and a half of even being legally able to file for divorce, even if I was financially able to file yet.

Yet. It's a real joy for me to be with a man who is making a choice to be with me, not with me out of obligation. It's a joy to have someone who works to carve out time in his life for me. Who actually communicates with me, wants to talk to me, wants me to communicate with him, who never makes me feel bad about how I look or who I am. Our lunch date left me in a bit of a reflective state all afternoon... but I really didn't have time to process my thoughts... haven't yet.

Yesterday afternoon at work was hectic. I left work at 4pm and went to pick up Austin from school. I had about a minute and a half at home to change clothes and then we went to church for dinner. (meatloaf, pinto beans, cornbread....mmm!) I had my Breaking Free Bible Study... which ran late because it was just good and we took a lot of time with it.... and got out late, about fifteen after 8.

I went upstairs to the youth room and there, much to my surprise, right there in the First Baptist Church of Helen was my dear friend Mr. Drake, chatting it up with my big brother! Robert had a meeting here yesterday.... had tried to contact me at the office, at my cellphone, at home... and knew enough of my schedule that he knew I was in Bible Study until around 8. He went to the church... followed the groups of children upstairs and located Austin. We went to one of the few places open after 8pm on a Wednesday night in Helen... La Cabana... and had a delightful conversation. He did his best to enlighten me on all things political... we debated some things religious... enjoyed one another and enjoyed Austin's input (he was worried that he would be left out)... and then he followed me to Cleveland where we met up with his friend/co-worker Lainey, who happens to be the daughter of the person who is my landlord!

Austin and I made our exit as it was approaching ten pm and... you know what a Cinderella I am... then Robert called back to wrap up some conversations that we were having until I cried Uncle... the ambien kicks in and the girl can no longer speak remotely intelligently... by this point it was 11pm.

Robert brought gifts from civilization for me: an Atlanta Journal (which you can't get up here) and Chickfila! The closest Chickfila is about 45 minutes away! I just had a chickfila sandwich for breakfast!

After having such a great time at lunch yesterday I had wanted to spend a few minutes chatting with CnM but we were both busy the rest of the day... I called him on my way home from church/dinner and on the way to meeting Lainey... we had about thirty seconds to talk in between rounds of trivia... and we had a few brief moments to chat on Facebook before I crashed... but that was it.

Last night before Bible Study my friend Misti came in and said there was a rainbow in the sky... it was a full rainbow with another part of a rainbow beside it... I took pictures... will share later. Also have a picture of Marvin and me from lunch. He doesn't like how he looks... *laugh* but I have permission to post if I want to. Maybe later...

Time for another busy day... hope you all have a great one! Love and hugs!

8 comments:

Jeanne said...

The most important thing is that you are happy.....BUT....and I say this with love....PLEASE BE CAREFUL. I hear you SAY you are being cautious about jumping into things with Marvin (can we just call him by his damn name??? lol) but I also hear you falling....no matter WHAT words you use. Sometimes things can be too much too soon.

You need to get an official divorce from that ass....AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I know you say you have to wait...which I don't totally understand...who cares where you LIVE? Can't you fly to Mexico or something and get it done in an hour?? lol Seriously though, why do they care where you live and for how long? Isnt't there any other way to get this damn this done and over with??

And if Marvin has any "unfinished business" in his past, he needs to get HIS taken care of ASAP too!!!

Just stay safe, tread lightly and be careful....

Jeanne

Myra said...

Jeanne makes a good point...Marvin has to be free and clear too...last thing you need is for the other shoe to drop when you least expect it! You do sound so happy, just be careful!

sober white women said...

Be careful my dear friend. Life is good!
Kelli

sober white women said...

Be careful my dear friend. Life is good!
Kelli

Anonymous said...

you sound happy, good for you!
Live, Love, Laugh, make the most of every day...
i have a feeling more happy times are ahead for you since you left that monster.

Barbara said...

Heather, make sure you really really know your crunch-n-munch..I was so eager to have someone, that I wasn't as careful as I should have been..I learned.

Peaceful Epiphany said...

Amen to Jeanne, Myra and Barbara! YES, YES, and 100 million times YES!!!

DO WHAT THEY SAY!!!

Hugs,
Jen

Tina said...

I understand your reasons for waiting on the filing. besides, why complicate things for YOU by filing for divorce in FL?
and you do meed to be careful, and maybe by having to wait to file, this will be the thing that holds yo to your own promise of "taking it slow".

I KNOW what it is like to fall for someone too soon after the loss of a past relationship. It is VERY, VERY, easy to do. So work hard at "being careful" okay?????