tuesday night

Before I was a Gator fan, I was a Kentucky fan... they're playing tonight. I'm conflicted. Conflicted but wearing my Gators shirt. I do love Rupp Arena... at Kentucky... it's a just a great place to be a fan. There was a Wildcat man in my life before there was a Gator man.

Today was a long and dramatic day. Not dramatic as in "bad" but dramatic as a lot of things to ponder and consider. I am in a place of deep reflection. I'm working through my Beth Moore bible study... Breaking Free. I flipped ahead in the workbook today at lunch and found that the next chapter is "Binding Up the Brokenhearted". Day one - straight to the heart, day two - hearts broken in childhood, day three - hearts mended by truth, day four hearts broken by betrayal, day five -heart broken by loss.

Day four is gonna be the tough one for me.... hearts broken by betrayal. I imagine there will be a day that it doesn't bother me any more. It's not here. I am happy. I love my life. I have so much joy and contentment. I talked to my landlord today and she couldn't believe how well I'm doing (based on how I was when she first met me!). I got the new lease today - $50 cheaper a month - I thanked her profusely and she said, "we just want to keep our good tenants".

Spent a long time on the phone with Dean tonight. (I love ya, buddy, I really do!). He has so many questions... what if... why... how... he looks for answers from me. I don't know that I have any answer other than... "God...." it's all I've got. So far it's been enough.

Lunch tomorrow with Crunch-n-munch... and he's reading the blog so be sure and say hello... make sure you thank him for being the anti-Michael. He's a good guy. Sometimes I'm not really sure he understands what a hornets nest he's stepped into with me. It's nice to have him around.

I love college basketball. I'm soooo not a tomboy... I'm the girly girl of all girly girls. I just love this sport, I lvoe the intensity and the passion.

Chatted back and forth with Whitney today. Nothing earth shattering... just stuff that's going on in our company and in the industry. She's a bright spot for me, always has been. She's so precious to me.

I haven't called Jim and Angie for an update today on the water damage. I'll chat with them tomorrow. Today was so busy... I carved out a few minutes for lunch and bible study... then carved out a few minutes for dinner... but other than that it's been non-stop for me. Sometimes I feel so drained, emotionally drained... but blessed to have the people in my life that are in my life.

The delightful Mr. Drake will be heading for the hills tomorrow and we hope to cross paths at some point. He wrote a great blog entry... check it out...http://rwdrake.livejournal.com/ you know how much fun you have following my links. Leave him a comment. This is what Austin was supposed to tell me yesterday.

All tied up in Kentucky.

Dean brought up an interesting question... are the bad things that happen to us the direct consequence of the bad things we've done? Mmmm. Maybe, to some degree. I mean... we face consequences for actions... but how many innocent lives have been taken? How many betrayed spouses had done anything to deserve that betrayal? Child abuse? Rape? Cancer? I think so much happens not because of what we have done but because of what God can do through our circumstances. If you asked me now... would I have wanted to live my whole life in limbo and mediocrity there in the trailer... to have avoided the misery with Michael... but yet also cost myself the wonder that is my life now... would I have? Well... we are not competent to make these decisions for ourselves. How wonderful that God works in our lives. He does. I know He does.

I'm not loving the orange shoes for Florida.

Any opinions on Rhianna and Chris Brown? How does a beautiful, successful, wealthy woman end up being abused? How does any woman end up on the wrong end of an abusive man? Bit by bit... you get sucked in... you convince yourself that they aren't really abusive... they convince you that it's your fault... that you deserve it... that it wasn't that bad... that you're a drama queen... that you invent issues... and they continue to chip away at your self confidence until your defenses have completely worn away.

How do you get away from abuse? By the grace of God.

I'm tired. Love y'all. Hugs.