My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, June 12, 2009

weekend countdown

Weekend countdown… and what a week it was! This week I have learned the following:

1. Imitrex is a mean, vile drug that will make you feel like you just participated in a kegger.
2. My sweet little red haired girls love hidden pictures and dot to dot books.
3. My cat loves canned cat food and makes a huge mess when eating it. Do you think the messy eating has anything to do with his missing leg?
4. I can unclog a toilet with an auger.
5. I learned what an auger is.
6. Not every blog you read is true.
7. 80’s hair band rock stars and flying scenery on the Broadway stage don’t make good bedfellows.
8. Vacation Bible School is awesome
9. Big things happen when husbands go on mission trips… Misti’s husband is in Thailand and her mother is being buried today. I know Jerry wishes he was with her but I also have no doubt that Jerry is where God meant for him to be. Divine Design. I also believe that Misti will be loved and taken care of in Jerry’s absence.
10. Sometimes headaches just won’t go away. It’s still there. Not as bad as it has been at times but it’s there.

I had lunch with Theresa today. We went to a place in Cornelia called Gusben’s. It’s owned by the parents of my former co-worker (the guy with five kids) Gus. We just got salad to go. They have a nice salad bar. I’m not sure that it was low calorie… my salad had lettuce, spinach, radishes, carrots, celery, sunflower seeds, French fried onions, croutons, potato salad, pasta salad, ranch dressing, chickpeas, beets… yum, yum, yum! I’m so stuffed! We brought our salads back to the office to eat since Duane and Ginger are both off today – just in case things got busy and we were needed. They weren’t and we weren’t.

There are less than five hours to go until the weekend!

Right now I’m leaning toward NOT working tomorrow. This weeklong headache has really taken a toll on me and I feel like if I could get one long night of uninterrupted rest that I would be ok. I’ll wake up when I wake up and spend the day as a tumbleweed, not operating under a schedule. I think that would help a lot. Then I’ll be refreshed for Sunday. After church the girls are coming home with me so their mommy can go pick their daddy up at the airport. I’m thinking we may do a picnic if the weather isn’t too hot. I'm excited to have them over!

I love how everyone is guessing about the big news I mentioned! No, I’m not pregnant… anyone who reads my blogs should know that I’m single, sterile and celibate*. (more on this in a minute) There’s not even so much as a blip on the radar screen romantically… nor do I want there to be. Nobody else in my world is pregnant (that I know of) except my sister-in-law Katherine and since I still haven’t seen the last baby she birthed, nearly two years ago, except in pictures (and she is precious!) so my excitement about this baby is limited to the knowledge that it will probably not be a tangible presence in my life.

My divorce is not the big surprise… the case is still pending, as far as I can tell. I don’t understand what’s happening in that process and the last three emails I’ve sent to Michael to ask him about it have gone unanswered. Ultimately, as long as it’s done by the end of the year, I don’t care (refer to earlier statement about lack of romance).

The big news is something really sweet… and I will tell you after my brother gets back from Kenya.

*I’ve made a commitment to God. I’m not a nun but I do believe very strongly that staying in His will for my life is a great way to spare myself heartache. I really believe that if there is ever to be another man in my life (yes, I said “IF”) that he will love the Lord like I do and I believe that his commitment will be the same as mine. I believe that it is entirely possible that God has intended for me to be here, in this place, to rest, to refresh myself, to raise Austin through the rest of school, to be here to help with my nieces, to grow and to get healthy. I believe that it is entirely possible that God’s plans for me do not include a man and I am. Fine. With. That. Period. Exclamation point. I am one hundred percent certain that now is not the time for me to be involved with anyone. My conviction is still that I am married. I have been faithful to Michael from the day I met him and I fully intend to be faithful to him until the papers are signed and the ink is dry. His lack of commitment only strengthens my resolve. I CAN DO THIS! In our marriage I was painted into the role of the sketchy one – the flighty one – the butterfly – the one lacking self-control and ultimately, I have been the one to demonstrate the greatest stability and determination. There is a great victory for me in that, in knowing that the accusations he made against my character were really him looking into a mirror and describing his own character deficiencies.

In the meantime, I’m happy, I’m stable, I’m in a great place emotionally. I KNOW that I am not yet healed to the point of being able to weather a bad relationship. Unfortunately, we don’t always know from day one that it’s going to be a bad relationship. I know that it is very possible that I may never feel healed enough to risk it. I am blessed to have a very full and very happy life and I have confidence that I will have whatever I need whenever I need it. I can’t see a purpose for bringing potential heartache into my life again.

I believe in our generation that marriages are under attack. I believe that the foundation of marriage is honesty and integrity and that these values have eroded to the extent that it is rare to find two humans who both have a comprehension of a covenant commitment. There’s no way to get fidelity insurance for a marriage. There’s no way to guarantee that a marriage will last forever. And I’m just not sure that I want to ever face the end of a marriage again. I’d rather spend the rest of my life in the glory of the confidence and independence I feel now than ever risk feeling compromised and vulnerable and miserable as I was with Michael.

God has been bringing me into a position of counseling women who are facing the end of their marriages… or at the very least, counseling women who are in unhappy situations in their marriage. I think it’s incredibly important for me to be able to say, “I know you can do it because I have done it… and if there was ever anyone who was without resources to survive the end of a marriage, it was me!”. I also am excited about the possibilities for me as a single empty nester. Austin graduates, Lord willing, in three years. What if the next three years are just about me, about ministering to other women who are facing what I’ve survived? That’s my motivation right now – to be as healthy as I can to be able to do whatever God has for me to do. After then... we'll see.

That’s also my fidelity insurance. Knowing that if I’m where God wants me to be that He is going to guard my heart. How cool is that?

And I’m now down to about 3 ½ hours until the weekend. Not that it took me that long to type the above commentary – just that I kept getting interrupted. By work. *laugh*

Gonna post this … more later if I have time… love and hugs!

1 comments:

Meg said...

Your brother is bringing back a child that they will be adopting?