My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

a perfect destination

Hmmm. Closure.

At the beginning of this year my co-worker and his wife miscarried a child. They had lost several before and had been trying to have a baby for awhile. His heart was broken. They believed that it was never going to happen for them.

Yesterday, she gave birth to 6lb, 13 oz Raleigh… a beautiful baby boy with chubby cheeks and juicy lips. Finally, at 46 and 42, they are parents.

I started this year with so much hurt and anger. Last year’s Christmas was uncomfortable and sad for me.

Since then, the final shreds of connection to Michael were one by one broken. It was a process.

Our divorce goes before the court on the 14th and I am. I am… at peace.

The journey was miserable but the destination is perfect for me.

Yesterday Angie had a last minute change of plans that prevented her from picking Sarabeth up from school on time. She called me. I went. I was there in five minutes and was rewarded by a huge hug and a joyful countenance and got to share in those precious right after school moments.
Yes. The destination is perfect.

My wandering gypsy children who seemed to be without focus a year and a half ago are both in a better place and experiencing success.

It was hard. SOOO hard to be a single mom. But now… I have these grown men who are responsible and independent and smart and charming and kind…

And Austin… God love him, he’s trying. My itty bitty boy is now 175 pounds worth of transition from little kid to independent teenager.

He’s working in the barns at the Agricultural Science Center every day and learning things about plants and animals that he would have never learned from his “indoorsy” mom.

He has a gaggle of buddies in the neighborhood. He loves this place.

The destination is perfect.

I’ve gone through seasons of sadness and have spent time with worry and fear and concern for the future. There are days I don’t feel sure of myself. There are days I feel alone.

Then I dry my eyes and look around and realize how carefully and perfectly God has surrounded me with sisters and friends and daughters and adopted nieces and real nieces and brothers and cousins and aunts and parents and even a grandparent who love me and take care of me.

In the silence, I have heard His voice.
In the stillness, I have found rest.
In the fire, I have been refined.
In the heartache, I have learned how to comfort others.

I have learned more about who I am, what I’m made of, what I believe in and my life’s purpose than could have ever happened.

Driving home last Friday my sweet grandmother said that she believed there was someone out there for me… “you never know, sweetie”… and I shrugged and said, “maybe… but if there isn’t, I’m ok with that.”

And I meant it.

I went through so many years where I felt I was defined by who I was aligned with.

That people would judge me for being single.

Now I see my singleness as courageous. Strong. Independent. I like who I am all by myself.

I’m so grateful for this destination.

One last thing. While I was writing this an elderly lady came in to my office. She had some questions about her bill. She explained that she’s got the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s and she has trouble understanding. She asked if would explain things carefully and slowly. I did. She said that she didn’t know how long she’d be able to handle her own business but she wanted to as long as she can. She said that she’d probably be in a “home” by this time next year. She said, “I just hope that every now and then someone comes by with a sausage biscuit for me”.

I hope so too.

People have been good to me.

And that makes this destination perfect for me.


Anonymous said...

Iam so happy for you :) from where you were to where you are is just amazing I hope you no that things are this way cause you let go and let God You were resistent before now you have let go The beauty of life is finding that even in the hardest of times there is always a rainbow if you look hard enough And the comfort of Loving yourself is a gift cause when we really love ourselfs we find true love cause are door is open for others to love us trully I wish you all the best in everything you do God Bless you! :)

Anonymous said...

Yay ~ I'm glad you are where you are at this time in your life. I love Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. Most folks are familiar with the heart of those verses:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance . . .

The verses go on basically stating that there is a time for everything that occurs in a person's life, good or bad, but verse 15 is so poignant to me:

That which has been is now; and that which is to be has already been; and God requires that which is past.

Don't dwell on your past ~ it has already been ~ it is time for you to heal, build up, laugh and dance. Looks like you are well on your way. :)

Maire said...

Heather, I'm so glad that you are finding peace. You are doing amazing. Keep on truckin!