random observations, confessions and ramblings

I think Anthony Bourdain is way cool. I don't really have a crush on him, not like I do with Max the TMZ guy... I just want to hang out with Tony and visit the cool places he does but maybe not eat all the weird stuff he eats.

Day 356 of feeling bad in 2009. Not really. I exaggerate. I've been passing kidney stones... itty bitty grit sized stones, thank the Lord - instead of big old stones - that make me feel horrible and ripped apart from stem to stern but... thankfully, not what most people deal with kidney stone-wise. I just keep having sharp pains... waves of nausea... dizziness... but I managed to work four hours today and that felt somewhat normal. If I wasn't watching for an exhibition worthy of the discomfort I've been feeling, I wouldn't have even noticed these tiny little things. Hardly worthy of the trouble they've caused.

My resolution for 2010 is to be healthy... even if it kills me.

I think I would be able to stand the pain if the nausea would just go away. I have no desire to eat anything. Every now and then I think I want something and after two bites... I'm disgusted with it.

My friend Amy who works for my uncle emailed me when I was out of work last week to tell me that my uncle is retiring at the end of the year. I'm certain that they'll split his agency... there's no way an agency as large as his would all go to one agent. That leaves all those folks who work for him facing a bit of uncertainty. Typically... when an agent retires... the agent who assumes the book of business will extend a job offer to the existing staff. Not necessarily at the same salary and definitely not with the same business plan or bonus structure. Every agent has their own way of doing things.

I'm wondering if I would have rather stayed exactly where I was three years ago and faced this change now? And I know... without a doubt... that God had a plan for me... although the journey was at times unpleasant... I'm so grateful to be where I am now and to have some measure of security. Life can change in a breath... but I feel settled. I like that.

Stubby the 3 legged Wondercat has decided that when I get home from (wherever I've been) that I have to kiss him hello. He meows like a banshee until I bend over and let him touch his little nose to mine. It's sorta sweet. A living being who is happy or relieved to see me come home. Maybe that's how people become pet people? I have never really understood before... but I am attached to this mangy looking cat... who sleeps beside me on the pillow and wakes me up at 5:58am and who demands that I fill his food bowl before I fix my coffee in the morning. He's a bit of a control freak but I'm used to that.

Bryan and Candice (my brother and sister-out-law) are getting me a CD course to learn Italian for Christmas! I'm so excited! Candice used this course to learn French before their trip to Paris last year... I told her that once I finished my course she'd have to go to Italy with me... and she agreed as long as I promised not to wear my snuggie in Italy.

I don't have a snuggie yet but it was on my wish list. Since I've been feeling icky, I've been staying curled up under a blanket. I'm always cold. Of course, I keep the thermostat super low because I can't stand to breathe hot air (and because I'm cheap)....

Anyways... back when I started losing weight 5 years ago (and I know that it was 5 years ago because it was right after my niece Jamie was born and she'll be five in a week!) I had some motivation... dreams... aspirations... hopes... and I've sorta let go of all that in my quest for mere survival over the past few years. I need to regain some focus... and I think having a goal will help. Besides... learning a new language at MY age has to be good for me, right?

I still wish Bryan and Candice were coming for Christmas but I'm so excited about my gift that I can almost forgive them for not coming! Actually... if it were me... I would want to spend Christmas in New York too...

That's enough random for today... hope you're having a beautiful Monday!
God bless!