Lot's wife looked back

I've been immersing myself in the book of Ruth and the history surrounding it... because not only is it a great spiritual lesson, it's also a fascinating story. And I've been, as you know, sort of moping/dwelling/focusing on what happened two years ago.

(for those who weren't around during that time of my life... you can look at my myspace blog to fill in the blanks http://www.myspace.com/heatherdarby/blog?page=2 ... I will warn you... it's obvious that things weren't right... just based on my poor spelling and typos!)

But as I've been digging into the background of Miss Ruth... and the origins of her people - the Moabites... descendents of Lot... I came across the story of Lot's family's exodus from Sodom and Gomorrah. You may remember that the angel of the Lord led Lot's family out of this sinful land just as it was being destroyed and told them not to look back. Lot's wife looked back and... according to biblical legend... was turned into a pillar of salt.

They had lived in a sinful land... a place where Godly people couldn't prosper. They were delivered by the very hand of God... on their way to the place where He designed for them and something in that old life had such a strong pull on Mrs. Lot that she directly disobeyed God and looked back.

I just don't think it's a coincidence that God laid that lesson on me as I'm approaching that anniversary... or seasons of anniversaries... the day I was reborn (Copyright Mary Brown)... the day I moved here... the day I started working with Duane... the day that Misty died. So many benchmarks from the past... days on the calendar... that - if I let them- can drag me down or give me strength.

And God reminds me of a time someone was told not to look back... and did... and was turned to a pillar of salt.

Now... Wednesday night we were asked to make a poster listing our birth name and the name that described who we are right now, in the same way that Naomi (Ruth's mother in law) changed her name to "Marah" which means bitter. I put one word: waiting. I feel like I'm in limbo. I feel like I'm in the middle of some crossroads of life. I feel... stuck. Like I'm frozen in time. Like... I don't know... a pillar of salt, maybe. And maybe... I'm stuck because I keep looking back.

Just a thought.

I found out what the Hebrew word for waiting is... it's Qavah. But the Hebrew is stronger than just our boring waiting... like my sister-out-law Candice when she got stuck waiting an hour and a half past her appointment time at a doctor this week. You know that feeling of being stuck, bored to death, aggravated, impatient...

Qavah is waiting with expectant hope. It's waiting with faith that God will deliver. So next week when I work on my name poster again... I'm adding that new name, Qavah. That's who I am, who I will be. Not a pillar of salt... frozen in time... qavah... flourishing with expectation for the amazing things that God has planned for my life.

Here's what my dear friend Robert had to say about Lot's wife...

Subject: Lot's wife..So, it's the day before Yom Kippur. For those not in the know, that means it is erev Yom Kippur. In the Jewish faith, this is the day when Jews atone to the People, not only for the mistakes of the past, but for the o...nes going forward. In Judaism, one cannot repent to the divine if there are still those to whom one has not repented on earth. The key however, is that the redemption here is moving forward. One can have sorrow for the past, but rarely can one fix it. Fate seals the past for us and it cannot be altered. We can fix the future. We know we will make mistakes and knowing that, by virtue of our humanity, we're going to make them going forward. If you already know that, you can already feel repentant and sorry, for the sorrow is not for the mistake itself, but for the hurt it causes. So too with our glories, and middles, and all the rest. It is important to know the past, but live in it. To heal the world takes forward thinking zealousness to run toward the problems of the world and to fix them.Once someone is obsessed with the past, they have salted the earth and nothing new can grow... might as well move forward.

That gave me chills. Can you imagine... being a pillar of salt that is preventing any new growth in your life?

I am unofficially this morning at the weight I need to be to earn my 10% loss at Weight Watchers. I just have to make sure I don't do anything in the next 24 hours to cause bloat or float or additional weight. I want that keychain! I want to keep moving forward... I have a new life to live and I need to live it as healthy as possible.

My friend Cyndi and two of her babies came over last night to hang out. My house was a mess - as usual - and I didn't have time for a "company cleaning" before they came over. Austin's friend Logan was hanging out here after school and he helped take out the trash and change the litter box (btw, you know he's a good kid when he'll change your litter box for you) but he dropped some of the kitty poop on the floor and Cyndi's 5 year old son wanted to know why we dropped chocolate on the floor. LOVE IT! SO I guess I'll work on getting my house back in order. I think I want to decorate for fall... or decorate at all. I really need my mom to come up here and (finally) help me hang curtains and settle in. It's time, right?

Hope you have a great weekend... I'm so glad for Friday, so glad for this life I've been given and I'm not looking back.

Love and hugs!
(photo finish Friday will come later... probably on Saturday!)