friday... friday... friday... friday...

UPDATE: Just heard from the doctors office... they have me scheduled for an MRI next Friday.
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I was slow to get up this morning... meaning... instead of being wide awake at 5am... it took until 5:30 until I was awake and I didn't make coffee until 6am. Then there were a lot of "chores" to do on my farmville farm. It's ok, though... it gives me time to gather my thoughts.

That's what I like about thrift store shopping too, by the way... I love the slow process of sorting through racks and racks of clothes looking for the right sizes, looks, brands and price. I get lost in thought while I'm doing it.

I guess you could say... for the most part... I enjoy tasks that keep my hands busy while giving my mind time to wander. I have always said that I dislike talking on the phone because it's a uni-task... I have to devote myself to JUST that and it's too monotonous to me. It's a rare person who can hold my attention that completely.

I just noticed that when I stopped to pet Stubby the 3legged WonderCat, he locked eyes with me... he stared into my eyes. You would think that the animal instinct would be to look at the part of the body that is petting them... to focus on that... but he looked into my eyes... how do animals know to do that? How do they know that my eyes are what I use to see? How could they be that evolved? Have you ever thought about it?

One of the side effects of the medication they have me on is that I will sometimes get "gooseflesh"... and cold chills. The first time it happened I thought it was an adrenaline type response... but then it kept happening at odd times. It's bizarre.

Yesterday, again, was a painful day. I made it the whole day at work... it was an act of sheer will. Good thing I'm stubborn. My tolerance for BS decreases as the pain increases... I've got to work on that. It's not enough to be there... I have to be there at the same level I would be minus the pain. It's a process. I'm learning to live with it.

I called my doctor yesterday morning at 8:30 to discuss my concern about the after effects of physical therapy. I didn't get a call back. I plan to call this morning and pitch a fit. The last time I saw her, I explained my frustration at not being able to receive any feedback or care unless I make an appointment and pay for an office visit. Some of this follow up, stuff that we've discussed, should be handled by a phone call. They've gotten plenty of money out of me/my insurance company this year. I was TOLD to just call and let her know if the physical therapy caused more pain or any problems. I did... and I got no response. That's unacceptable. I wouldn't have minded a phone call at the end of the day... it wasn't life or death... but the same day, at least.

Austin is spending the weekend at the annual Discipleship Now retreat that they have in this area... it combines the youth groups from several local churches for a weekend of worship services, small group bible study and service projects. He really enjoys it and I think it's good for him to connect with his youth group, with Godly kids and with his community. I'm glad for a break from having to worry about him...

By the time I work all week... my back pain accumulates to the point that it takes all weekend to recover. It feels like my vertebrae are collapsing on each other... and if I can just raise my shoulders high enough and extend my back far enough, I could relieve the pressure. Once the pressure builds... the pain spreads, first to muscles on the lower left side of my back, then down into my left hip, up into my arms - to the point that any movement of my arms at all is painful, and gradually it wraps around to my thighs, down into my feet... then muscle spasms... it's crazy how well I've learned the pattern. The lidoderm patch will lessen the feeling of the pressure for a few hours but it doesn't eliminate the secondary effects, like the muscle pain... ibuprofen will take the edge off the pain when it spreads... but once I get to the point of muscle spasms, nothing helps except heat and being in my "recliner" position. That's what happens when I sit. When I lay down... the pain seems to collect in my left hip, regardless of what side I sleep on.

(and I wrote the last paragraph as much for myself, to be able to remember the progression of this thing... as to whine and complain as I KNOW you must surely be tired of hearing about it!)

Like I told my dad yesterday... there goes my lifelong goal of performing with the Cirque du Soleil. Ha!

So... anyways... that's the story for today... in just 12 short hours from now, I will have completed a full day of work, successfully deposited my child into the custody of wonderful, Godly people and I will be back in my nest, and can let my back start to recover... in order to do it all over again next week. It's a vicious cycle... but it's what I've got for now.

Love and hugs, y'all...