what do you believe in?

Happy Super Bowl Sunday! With each Super Bowl that passes, I realize more and more how poor my knowledge of Roman numerals is. I should study on that.

Bitty has not yet returned. It's been ten days. I think he's gone for good. I miss him. Stubby does NOT. Stubby has grown more demanding, though. I think he's relishing his role as king of the castle. I miss Bitty but it's nice not having to worry about the little "gifts" he would leave... little puddles everywhere...nice having half the cost of food and litter. I'm grateful for the time we had him but, I'm not grieving him being gone. It's what he wanted, I believe, to be an outdoor kitty.

Farmville has a new feature where you can grow seeds in a greenhouse. I really enjoy it. If you're a farmville player and haven't noticed yet... you can click on your neighbors greenhouse and get some of the seeds they're growing.

My grandparents used to have a greenhouse with these study, deep shelves. I used to love to curl up on those shelves with a book... with the smell of the warm potting soil... I was obviously, much smaller then.

It wasn't easy but we made a huge grocery run yesterday. Austin was a lot of help... he even put away the groceries when we got home and cooked my lunch (grilled chicken and a baked potato). I just peeked in the fridge and it's packed full of fresh produce. That makes me happy.

Last night for dinner I had mixed melon, cheese and crackers. I love that kind of meal. Like a picnic in my nest!

I think Crunch-n-munch and I are going to the Thrashers game next weekend. My dad used to take my brother and I to see the Flames when we were little. They used to be in Atlanta - no, my dad didn't fly us to Calgary to see hockey. I don't understand hockey as well as I do other sports... but the phone guy is a huge hockey fan and we have watched hockey together while chatting on the phone and he taught me a few things I didn't know.

You know what my deal is on sports... I'm fascinated with the passion behind sports... so even if I'm not particularly interested in the game, I'm always interested in the fans, the players... that human element.

Crunch-n-munch and I are just friends... btw. There are as many -maybe more - red flags with him as with Red Flag Guy... but he's really sweet to me and I enjoy his company.

Red Flag Guy, incidentally, has fallen crazy, madly in love. I'm happy for him and also jealous... both of the girl he's in love with and just the fact that he's found that special someone. I want a special someone, except when I don't.

Phone Guy has about ten times the number of red flags as Red Flag Guy but I enjoy his company as well. He's one of the smartest people I know, besides Mr. Drake. Of course... me being with smart guys hasn't worked well for me in the past.

Next Guy has been texting me again. I have no plans of pursuing a relationship with him... lesson well learned... but, again, I enjoy his company.

Isn't it weird how while looking for love, I found so many friends? I said it the other day but it's so true that it bears repeating: I may not be IN LOVE... but I am loved. I enjoy this lifestyle. Almost all the time. Every now and then (like when I need someone to pick up a prescription for me... or grocery shop for me) I wish there was a significant other. But... if this is the hand I've been dealt, I can't really complain about having a couple of insignificant others, right?

They just said on tv that mothers have to be careful about how they let their sons treat them because you create a model for them of how they will treat women for the rest of their lives. I don't know how well I've done but I think my two older boys have grown up to be good partners. They're both very loving and attentive to the ladies in their lives. Austin... well... you know, the thing with him... he is an AWESOME, loyal, loving and devoted friend. He always wants to take care of his friends... he took dinner over to his friend Jake's house last night... he may not be the best at empathy... but he is smart enough to remember what people appreciate and enjoy. For instance... when I was at the height of my nausea I asked him to fill my water cup for me. Since then, whenever he's heading out he asks if i need more water.

I'm really worried about Lindsey Lohan and Charlie Sheen. I mean, I know they don't have any impact on my life, but I think they're two people who are in a lot of trouble and I don't believe there's anyone in their lives strong enough to straighten them out.

What are your Super Bowl plans? I'll watch from my nest and probably be asleep before halftime.

I watched about 10 hours of Glee yesterday. I had seen it a few times but haven't been really a loyal viewer. Yesterday got me hooked again. I think some of the things they do are a little over the top... but they do pose some interesting questions.

One of the episodes was loosely based on faith. It gave me an epiphany of sorts: Everyone believes in something. If you don't believe in a higher power, then you believe in your own ability to handle your problems... you place your faith and security in your financial status or your health... and you work hard at maintaining these things because you don't think there's anyone else that will bail you out. For me... I realize that I need something/someone bigger, stronger, better able to provide than myself... and so I believe in God. I think that when you go through things that show you that you are not enough in yourself... you look for something else to believe in. And... on some levels... I think that people who search for something greater and don't get the results they want... have a harder time believing than people like me, who continually find answers beyond what my mind could have conceived.

It's more than that, though... Purple Michael once told me that things are what you make of them. This advice was in the context of the trouble I was having with Darby... PM had witnessed Darby making a really hurtful statement about me in a large group of people... and PM saw the look of disappointment on my face... and he knew that things weren't going well... even though I had never told him... and he told me that relationship would be whatever I made of it... and truly, the way that I was able to survive it for so long is because I continually looked for the good things in it.

Faith is like that too... I could look at the past month of my life and go into Job mode, wondering why God allowed me to suffer. OR... I can choose to look at the amazing blessings that have occured during this time BECAUSE of my suffering... the love, compassion and kindness I've been shown... the way that my needs have been met without my ability to work... the fact that I still have a job despite missing more time than I've worked... little kindnesses like Austin refilling my cup and the people who have prayed for me. I see it as a reminder that I'm not alone on this planet and that was something I needed to see.

You may not always be able to change your circumstances but you can always change your attitude about them. And what you believe in is based on that attitude... do you rely on yourself or on something bigger?

I think there's just no way around the concept... everyone believes in something.

Yesterday was a much better day for me pain wise... last night was the best night I've had in weeks, pain wise... I think I'm turning the corner. I'm gonna take it super easy today again and pray that next week I'm back to my normal self!

Have a super Sunday, y'all!