My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

thankful thursday... right?

I woke up this morning not really sure what day it is... that's the way life has been for me over the past few weeks... completely out of context, completely out of order... a day or work here and there... a half day here and there... a doctors office... a prescription or two to fill... a few hours of blissful pain free loss of consciousness... a few hours of breathing deep and toughing it out... digging in the dwindling supply in the pantry and fridge to put together a meal... chores stacking up... i feel like i'm spinning around and around and i'm not really sure where i am.

It's like living in a snow globe - without the snow - that periodically gets shaken - and about the time that the little white pieces settle - someone shakes it again. If someone would just replace the snow with confetti... or glitter... at least it could be festive.

After a few minutes of disorientation... I figured out that it's Thursday. Here in my little corner of the world, I try to reserve Thursday as a day of thanksgiving and gratitude. Sometimes it's hard... but despite the fact that I'm vocal (aka "a whiner") about my disappointments and discouragements... the core of who I am is optimistic. Gratitude is a foundation of my survival. If we lose hope, we lose everything. If we allow ourselves to be swallowed up with doom and gloom, we might as well just curl up in a little ball and stop trying. I'm not ready to give up.

Today I'm thankful for a good night's sleep.
I'm thankful for the warm blankets... soft pillows... cozy kitty cat... peace and quiet...
I'm thankful that I have medication to take the edge off my discomfort. I get a break at night when I can dope up and not have to worry about driving or working.
I'm thankful for the postcard I got yesterday from Mr. Drake... it was HILARIOUS... he was adapting a Savannah accent in his writing and it cracked me up... I could hear him saying the words... I love that he thought of me while he was out and about.
I'm thankful that it's Super Bowl weekend... I can't wait to see the commercials.
I'm thankful that I have another opportunity to try today... to get up, get cute, go to work...
I'm thankful for the many people who are really praying for me, not just saying the words as a platitude... there are people in my life who really go before the Master of the Universe and ask Him to take care of me. I love that.
I'm thankful for kind messages and comments and encouragement from my friends. I'm truly NOT alone.
I'm thankful that Austin's youth pastor texted him yesterday and asked if his mother was "still stoned"... teehee... Austin didn't get it at first. Have to remind Jamie that Austin is very literal. But... come to think of it... I was fairly Cheech and Chonged at the moment...
I'm thankful that I'm not still trying to play the dating game. It feels good to not need that. It feels good to not care that I'm single. Even with Stupid Cupid on the way.
I'm thankful that I invented the spinach dog yesterday. I needed to up the veggie intake and we were down to precious few choices in the fridge... I put a little spinach on a bun with my angus all beef low fat nitrite free hotdog... and it was really, really good.
I'm thankful that Gods mercies are new every morning. Every day is a do over.
I'm thankful that I have the ability to write, an outlet for my thoughts, a place to document my feelings and experiences... I'm thankful to be a blogger.
I'm thankful for a new day, a new dawn, for the drive to work that clears my head and gathers my resolve. I'm thankful for Christian radio, for songs of praise and hope and encouragement. I'm thankful for the great cup of coffee I'm drinking... the warmth of my electric blanket... the comfort of my nest...
I'm thankful for a refuge from the storm...

I have to decide if I want to go ahead with the appointment with my regular doctor today. I have the CT scan tomorrow and the follow up appointment on Monday... I won't really see a doctor tomorrow, just the radiologist... and I'm wondering if it might be prudent to see someone today rather than waiting until Monday. Of course... my regular doctor may just want to wait to see the outcome of the CT scan... or defer to the urologist... I don't know what's best. I guess, I could just wait it out until Monday... and if things get worse over the weekend, I could go to urgent care.

Anyways... Cyndi's waiting to read the blog so I better close this and start getting ready for work. I hope that wherever you are... whatever's happening... that you will find things to be thankful for today. Love and hugs!

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