This morning I'm just sick.
Physically sick... with what I hope is just a little upset stomach that will right itself in time for me to leave for work in two hours.
Sick from worry... about Austin, about a friend who is carrying a burden that is far heavier than she deserves...
Sick and tired. Tired of this back pain... tired of talking about it, tired of feeling it, tired of it curtailing my activities and running my life.
Yesterday I hurt all day. I started the day in pain and by the end of the work day I could barely walk.
Austin missed the bus yesterday morning so I didn't have a smooth morning. It wasn't TRAGIC... it was just frustrating.
After work when I came home he had worked really hard. His room looked better than it has in ... ever... and he had done several loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen. He was trying.
He asked if he could borrow my phone to text a friend. I agreed.
He even grilled a piece of chicken for me to eat for dinner.
I ate. I took the muscle relaxers that I *try* not to take often. They lose their efficacy if you use them too much and there are times that my back is in spasms and they're the only thing that helps. I knew I needed them yesterday.
I took the neurontin that helps by stopping the nerve transmissions to the brain, it eases the pain but isn't as strong as a narcotic pain reliever. The goal is to not use narcotics because of the risk of dependency.
BUT ... that combination of drugs makes me sleepy. And, having not slept much Monday night, I was already exhausted.
I was alseep before 9pm.
I woke up at 11pm thinking I had just had a full night's sleep... it was actually a few minutes before 11... I went to check my cellphone to see if I had missed any texts.
It was missing. Did Austin still have it? I went to check with him. He was missing.
No phone in the house. No way to call him. I posted a facebook status for someone who had my phone number to try to reach him. Purple Michael and Crunch & Munch were the two to respond.
PM found him at Tasha's. She was crying, Austin had allegedly gone to check on her.
She's a drama queen and she controls him by telling him she's upset.
I'm over her.
At this point I found out that a friend I've considered a kindred spirit is going thru a very Darby like situation with some extra, very tragic circumstances.
My heart broke for her... my rebellious child and back pain seemed like such a small thing in comparison.
She was one I had sort of stopped praying for... I mean... her dreams had come true, she had found her happily ever after... she was ok now.
Except... like me... her happily ever after turned out to be really, just a fairy tale. It wasn't real. He broke her heart. He nearly broke her.
God, however, is faithful. He protects those of us who follow the wrong path and find ourselves abandoned within the ruins of our dreams. She will be ok... but I am so, so sad that she has to go thru this.
Yesterday Austin met with his life coach. See... this Christian Learning Center that he's participating in... where they are transported off the high school campus for one class period a day for Christian instruction... one of the services they provide is a life coach. Austin's youth pastor, Jamie, is his.
So many wonderful people in our community who don't just talk a big talk... they walk with you. Austin respects Jamie. Jamie will be an awesome influence in Austin's life. We are blessed and I don't take that for granted.
And I don't take for granted the fact that I can send up an SOS at 11pm and have two people answer the call in less than a minute... from near and far to find my child... and I can have comfort and counsel of others in a few brief moments... from Georgia, Louisiana, California... this global community is a blessing for me.
People like me who might otherwise feel alone in the world... notsomuch... I'm held fast within the grasp of a love I can't explain... from a God who I can't see but know is there... by people who care beyond what I deserve who support me beyond what I can repay... and it gets me through a lot of stuff that I might not otherwise survive.
I don't take it for granted. I know I'm blessed.
So... if you read this and you think "wow, she's going thru a lot"... know that I wouldn't trade this bullet riddled, potholed, bumpy ride of a life for smooth sailing... because then I would never know what I know.
And I would never wish troubles on anyone... but I will always wish that you know this peace, this comfort...
Have a Wonderful Wednesday.
love and hugs.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
This morning I'm just sick.
Posted by Heather at 5:47 AM