My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sometimes I just don't understand...

Here's one of the comments I got after my emotional blog earlier today about the problems I was having with Austin:

sheri said...
Maybe you need to spend less time in your nest and more time making Austin do what he is supposed to do.My son has aspergers syndrome also. I know exactly what it's like having a special needs child. That does not give them the right to be disrespectful. Being a single mom is not an excuse either. I've raised my son alone most of his life. And if he doesn't know anything else, he knows he can not be disrespectful.He is now 24, has graduated and held a job for 3 years until the business closed.I'm sure you will block me after this post and that's okay..I have been reading your blog since you were engaged. I've found most of your entries interesting.Although,I do have to say that you should have been able to help yourself a bit more financially.(pre-back problems). There is such a thing as taking on a part time job. Been there done that.On your blog you've asked why you get the visitors but only a few comments..well, could it be that you don't take the time to acknowledge some of the people that do comment? I would be one of those people. I was interested in your life until I finally realized that you are a writing snob. If someone doesn't interest you, you disregard them. I'll consider myself disregarded and stay off your blog..Maybe that's something you should consider. Staying off your blog and out of your nest and helping your son become a respectful young man.. Keep in mind that how a man treats his mother is a sign of how he will treat his wife.Sheri
February 20, 2011 7:35 PM

I always love it when people think they know me just by reading my blog... when they think that what I write about in the blog is every single second of every day... when they think that the little sliver of recap I give each day tells them everything they need to know to be able to judge me. As if I have written every single interaction I've had with my children... every single activity I ever do... enough to assume that if I don't talk about it here, it didn't happen. I write about the things that are remarkable... therefore I wouldn't write about the time that Austin and I spend together every day... because it happens EVERY DAY. It's always been interesting to me when other parents try to evaluate my success or failure as a parent based on one child with Asperger's... especially coming from another parent of an Aspie kid... they are as different as night and day. My kid has certain things that he fixates on, certain abilities and capabilities... but respect toward authority isn't one of them. I'm certain that her child has strengths thatmy child doesn't... and vice versa. But... I never entered parenting as a competitive sport. And I certainly would never dream of attacking a parent of a differently abled child because they have failed to do something as well as their child does.

Ditto for finances... yes, you would think it would have been different but you haven't walked the path I've walked. In one breath you lambast me for not spending enough time with my child... and in the other you say I should have worked a part time job in addition to the 50 hours a week I'm already away from home. Well... I understand your confusion because it's mine as well. there are definite benefits to having extra income but at what cost to my child? When we lived closer to the city there were several things I could - and did - do as a second and third source of income. I've always worked hard. One thing my near death experience taught me was that I have to have physical and mental rest to be able to keep going. Perhaps you've never dealt with recovery from an attempted suicide. Perhaps you don't understand the depths of depression you have to pull yourself out of. I knew that for me to be healthy spiritually and emotionally, I couldn't allow myself to be run down physically. That was the choice I made for my child and myself... and of course... you can sit back and read a five minute recap of my life every day and think you know every struggle I've ever been through... but you don't.

Apparently... this lady has an ax to grind because she commented at some point without getting the proper acknowledgement from me. I certainly wouldn't have intentionally ignored her... and although I can at times be what I refer to as an "extroverted hermit" - meaning that I'm outgoing but don't like to be OUT going - I work really hard to be friendly and kind in real life. Sometimes I don't have time to put as much thought and effort into responding to everything that is ever said on my blog (again... she can't decide if she wants me to spend more time with my child or spend more time working or spend more time responding to comments)... but sometimes, truthfully, I don't have a RESPONSE to every comment...

People like this make me want to climb into my nest and never come out again. I hope she felt better after unloading on me. For me... it was just a rotten cherry on what was already a really rotten Sunday.

4 comments:

life with bobbi d said...

Well said Heather.

Missie said...

No one know your son and what he needs more than you. Don't you ever forget that!

JennBand08 said...

Not a nice person.Like a turtle, just let it roll off your back! Hang in there.. keep fighting the good fight. I'll still be here reading and cheering for you.. even if its quietly.

Red_Hot*68 said...

very well said, Heather....I almost commented in response to what she had said, but I wouldn't have been able to say what needed to be said as well as you just did....