it's a good day to be me

Sometimes I think it's obvious that we're undergoing spiritual warfare. I mean... I definitely believe there are forces we can't see that impact our world. I believe in God... and I believe in an "anti-God"... and... there are times that I am overwhelmed by the realization that Satan really does act as a prowling lion seeking whom he may destroy.

Austin really needed this Disciple Now weekend. It's something he looks forward to doing every year. It's a great time of Christian teaching and fellowship. He can be influenced by some really awesome people in our church and the other churches in our community. He wants to go... therefore... I do everything in my power to get him there.

Yesterday that meant leaving work early... so that I could get him packed, pick up his snacks to take, feed him and get him to the host church.

Sooooo... I pack things up at the office and get ready to go home... head to my car and... drop half the mail that I was taking to the post office... it blows under my car... I'm doing all these (painful) yoga positions to retrieve the mail.

I get in the car and realize that I've somehow broken my sunglasses. Nice. I usually can keep the same pair of sunglasses for a year or more... but this pair didn't make it that long.

I put the key in the ignition and turn the key and... nothing. I try again. Nothing. Ugh. I jiggle it. Pick up the phone and begin to contemplate the logistics of getting my car situation taken care of while simultaneously working out the logistics of getting Austin to his retreat. I took a deep breath and thought... "no... this cannot be happening NOW"... and I turn the key again... and it works.

Something happened with the battery because the radio stations are no longer programmed and the clock has restarted. That's ok... I'm thinking "I'll deal with that later"...

I run my post work errands... bank, post office... and I head home. I was praying out loud... thanking God that the car started and asking for his protection as I was driving... there's a sharp curve on the road I was taking out of Demorest... a ninety degree turn, I was driving into the sun so I was driving slower than usual... and it was a good thing because in an instant... there was a car coming straight at me, on my side of the road... there was an embankment beside me, nowhere for me to go... I pulled as far to the right as I could and stopped quickly but I knew it wasn't far enough and I braced myself for impact... the other car (it was a Ford Ranger truck, I think) felt like it came right through me. I can't tell you how we didn't hit... I felt him brush by me on the drivers side and it seemed impossible that he didn't hit me. I could have sworn that a split second earlier the grill of his truck was at the front of my hood. He stopped... pulled over... looked back at me. I think he thought he hit me... but somehow... he didn't. I waved. Not the middle finger wave... just a quick acknowledgement that I was ok. I pulled away... sobbing... scared to death but also VERY aware of the forces that were trying to prevent me from getting home and from getting Austin to his retreat. I cried the whole way home.

Austin wasn't terribly impressed. He was angry because he wasn't getting his cellphone back yesterday. I considered it. I might have. But Jim has the phone and he wasn't going to be there. And... ultimately... I think it's better that Austin focus this weekend and not be distracted by the phone. I acknowledged that... other than the two nights he was out late and I had to track him down... he had done a good job of keeping up his chores over the past week.

He was excited about Disciple Now, though... and delighted to get to spend the weekend with Logan. I was excited because I got to see some of my chicks that I've been missing and my buddy Cyndi came over and gnoshed with me for a little while... while my friend Angie watched the only one of Cyndi's kids that wasn't at D-Now.... so I was un-hermited for a little while.

Today, however, I plan to hole up in my nest and be a complete, unapologetic slug. I don't have to worry about where Austin is or what he's doing. I don't have to worry about trying to sit for 8 hours in agony. I don't have to worry about cleaning the kitchen since Austin took care of that yesterday. The pile of clean laundry can wait. I've got plenty to eat... I can relax. I'm going to live the life of Stubby today.

I am still on my weigh in embargo. I still weigh every day and I am exactly the same. No gain. I'm still tracking everything I eat... so basically, you could say that I'm doing the Weight Watchers Online program right now and not doing the meetings. I can't sit in those uncomfortable metal folding chairs ... my weight isn't going to go down as long as I'm on these meds... so there's no point in going. I'm not giving up... I'm still hunkered down, I'm still fighting... I'm not going to get lazy about it... if anything, I've got to work harder. BUT... I'm not going to set myself up for disappointment and discouragement either. There are times that just holding on to where you are is success. I'm embracing that success.

It's a good day to be me. I'm blessed. I'm grateful for the instruction, fellowship and guidance that Austin is getting this weekend. I'm grateful for the life we have here. I am relieved that I'm getting the MRI done next week. Part of the stress of the back pain is in the unknown... not really knowing how far to push myself, whether or not I'm doing more harm than good. In the absence of information, I have a bad habit of making stuff up... allowing myself to believe the worst. If I can have all the facts... whatever it is... I'll be able to deal with it.

It's gonna be a beautiful weekend here in the mountains... some of you Suburb Sallys need to come up here and enjoy it.

You'll find me here... in my nest... loving life. Have a good one, y'all!~