goodbye gravy biscuits

There’s a weird glow outside… it’s overcast and sprinkling… and the yellow tint of the pollen in the air makes it look sort of grey-green outside.
And I don’t feel good. I missed most of the workday on Tuesday and all day yesterday and no, I couldn’t afford to miss. This pollen stuff has me just about shut down. I can’t breathe, my eyes burn, my head is pounding and dizzy, I don’t feel like eating, my throat hurts… just miserable. I keep fighting back nausea… it feels like my body is trying to expel the pollen.
But I’m working today and completely stressed out trying to fix things that popped up in my absence.
It’s apparently still whiny Wednesday in my world.
To make matters worse… I got on the scale this morning and weigh only ½ a pound less than what I weighed on January 1st. Apparently, what I’m doing ain’t cutting it.
Of course, we’ve had a lot of social eating over the past month and that HAS to stop, both from a financial standpoint and a weight loss standpoint. I've eaten too much and spent too much and it's just not worth it.
I wish I could just quit eating cold turkey. (“then heat it up.” yukka yukka)
Every other addiction you just STOP altogether. You have to eat to live. But I am going to cut out meat for a bit. Seriously. I was praying about it this morning (or, more accurately, whining before the Lord) and I felt really strongly led to give up eating all meat except fish. I bargained, “fish and chicken” and was reminded in my spirit of how many hormones are in chicken. So no chicken.
I’ve decided there will be no “free day” every week. Maybe once a month. I’m going to eat on my birthday… and on Cody’s wedding day… and other than that, no sugar, no meat, nothing fried or processed.
I’m done playing like I need to lose 20 pounds. I need to lose 100 pounds. I need to be for real about it.
Just had a talk with Theresa about holding each other accountable about exercise. I need to get moving.
I just feel like I’m trapped in a case that holds me down. Like… I need to let the real me, the ambitious, creative person that I really am, out of the cage.
Think about it… could you carry 100 pounds very far? That’s what my body carries every day… an extra 100 pounds. It’s insane. No wonder I’m exhausted.
It’s really going to take an enormous determination and strong will to get moving… especially until some of the weight comes off. It’s gonna be hard and I’ve been afraid of “hard” lately.
But it’s sorta like the poo making the grass green… in order to get the result I want, it’s gonna stink for a bit.
Poo makes the grass grow. That’s what I’ve got to think about.
Goodbye gravy biscuits! Our love affair is ending. I’m moving on to stinky things.