My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, October 10, 2008

big day for us!

Today we are getting living room furniture! I'm so excited!

Austin's ugly three-legged cat woke me up at 5:30 this morning wanting to be scratched. Like a dog. He wanted his belly rubbed. I think that since he's missing a part of a leg that he sometimes can't reach where he wants... he has learned that he can bump his head against Austin's doors when they're closed and they make a noise that is loud enough to wake both me and Austin. It was like getting up with a crying baby. He has woke Austin up at least three times in the past hour and Austin is GRUMPY!

I was up late last night on the phone. I am not a phone person and I am not a night owl but it was constructive conversation and therefore worthwhile, I think. I fell asleep reading my bible - Matthew - and woke up to a phone call. Hopefully that means that I was in the right spirit for the conversation.

Today we also have our satellite hooked up which means we'll have tv reception! I was unable to watch tv in the hospital.... and Jim and Angie don't watch much.... and we haven't had it here.... so I've been three weeks without my shows! Honestly... it's not been *THAT* bad... but it will make me feel more at home to have the option to watch tv.

I am not certain if we will leave for Florida tonight or tomorrow. I'll at least go as far as my mom's tonight once the satellite people are finished.

Three weeks have passed since "that Friday" and I continue to be amazed at how much has changed in my life. I had a chance to talk some yesterday with people who were close to what happened and who could help me reconstruct some of the events as I have little to no recollection. It's frightening to realize how close I came to succeeding.... encouraging to know that a Greater Power was watching out for me.... humbling to realize I caused so much concern over those few days.... I think I will always be conscious of the time that has passed since then and how far I've come... not because I've accomplished any great thing but because God has begun a good work in me and I believe that He will be faithful to complete it. It is heartening to see His progress!

I feel like when I went to sleep that day that a part of me DID die... the part that was hopeless and hurt... discouraged and desperate... I believe that the part of me that allowed myself to deteriorate to such a degree died... and the part that remains is the part of me that fights, that has courage and determination and confidence and hope. I buried those hurts. I buried those heartaches. I buried that disappointment and humiliation. I buried every unkind word, every insult, every wrong that had been done to me. My job now is to leave those things buried and to nurture and grow the healthy things that remain.

A few years ago I read the Purpose Driven Life and it left a huge impact on me. I truly believe that we all have some divine assignment here on this planet. I believe that we are meant to touch certain lives in a certain way. I believe that nothing happens by chance. I believe that all things can be used to further God's kingdom and I know that I have the option to use all this not only to make myself a stronger, better, happier, more useful person... but that it can also be used to help others who are feeling those same feelings of hopelessness.

Three weeks ago I had a deep and desperate fear that I had no where to go. I couldn't bear up under the situation I was in any more... but the idea of trying to find a new home and a job and finding the money to relocate... and having the courage to walk away... I couldn't imagine how to do that. Now here I am... sitting in my lawn chair with my feet propped up on a rubber maid container... in my own place... that will have furniture today! It wasn't all instantaneous and we still have a few details to work out (beds?) but I'm here and I'm living a really content life in such a short time.

Time to get my grumpy kid to the bus stop. Have a great Friday!

4 comments:

Barbara said...

What a miraculous 3 weeks it has been. You are truely blessed! Love the new home(and yes, it is a HOME, not just where you live)! I am so happy for you, just remember, when you need us, we are still here!

Traci said...

I guess I'm late to this party but I'm really glad you are still at the party! Keep looking to Him for the answers. He is faithful.

Emmi said...

I'm so happy that you have a place to call your own again.

Myra said...

You had to go through that to be where you are now or you'd not know what you know. Good luck in JAX...always keep your focus forward and on Him.
xoxo ~Myra