My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I have to be up for two more hours so here's one more post

Since we last left this story...
Am I talking too much?
Oh well. It's been a long day and Austin is at the corn maze with the youth group and I have one more hour to go before time to pick him up... so I've got to stay awake and alert until then.

I spent some time with my friend Amy (who works for my uncle and whose granny lives about five minutes from me). She has lost so much weight and looks beautiful but is going through a divorce and doing that whole "sow your wild oats thing" right now and my heart just hurts for her. I wanted to say - well, I actually did say, "I know you're going to have to figure this out on your own just like I did, but I wish you would hold off on dating anyone until your divorce is final and you've taken time to heal". She's filling her heart and life with people who aren't necessarily people who will make good partners in life for her. Her little boy Caden was born right around the time I moved in with Michael - literally, that same week - and he is now two and just a doll! He played ball with Austin and he was such a charmer. Amy's older son, Chance, is five and he's always been a little shy. Her kids call me "Petter" because Chance couldn't say, "Heather". It's kinda cute...

Amy left and I took literally a five minute nap... basically just closed my eyes and took some deep breaths and then Austin was chomping at the bit to get to church for bible drill. Mind you... Austin didn't really KNOW what bible drill is (by the way, for those of you who don't know... it's a competition to see who can find a certain passage of scripture the quickest, it requires you to have nimble fingers AND know the books of the bible in order) but Austin knew that the bible drill kids are having a retreat next weekend and he REALLY wanted to go to that. He said, "all I know is that they get to go away overnight and they'll have good food and games and stuff".

Well. Austin wanted to be sure to get to to bible drill on time so he could join up... and on the way we had to hit the ATM to get money for the corn maze and he was durrriving me currrazy stressing out over being late. This is my child who "super mega loathes" going to church. Whatever.

We got to the church and I talked to the guy who is doing the bible drill and he's just this real sweetheart of a guy. His wife is in two of my three bible studies that I do each week and they are adopting a baby boy who is to be born in December. He was super mega excited about having Austin in their group and made Austin feel completely welcome.

I went outside and took advantage of the hour of free time by calling Barry. (Again with some background - Barry was the guy in my life prior to Michael. We never really broke up so much as made a joint decision that I should date other people as he was not in a position to make a commitment due to family obligations - he lives with and cares for his elderly father) I had been feeling like I needed to call him and reconnect - not as in "reunited and it feels so gooooood" but just because he has been a good friend for a long time - since Austin was a baby - and I knew that he would be someone who would comfort and not coddle, who would share wisdom without being judgemental. I have put off calling him because I knew it would be a difficult conversation... to admit that I failed... that my marriage failed, rather... to someone who had so strongly cautioned me to move slowly. And... it's going back to an ex and saying, "ok... it was soooo much better being with you".

Amy had talked to him recently and he knew I was moving back to Georgia and knew that the circumstances weren't good and when she prompted him to call me, he said, "she'll call me when she's ready to talk".

He was ready to talk to me. He was just as kind and compassionate as I had expected. He didn't freak out at the details but just very sweetly said, "I'm so sorry you felt that way... I'm so sorry that you were hurt". We talked about what it meant for our friendship/relationship and we agreed that we both still had warm fuzzies for each other (and likely always will) and agreed that I am still married and that we both have to respect that commitment. What's more important... I don't feel rushed... I told him I'm not healthy yet... that I still have a lot of healing to do and that I'm not ready to be in any relationship with anyone - regardless of our past history - well, maybe because of it! It would be too easy to slip back into where we left off. We're three years older and wiser. His situation hasn't really changed (thank goodness, because it won't change until his father passes away and we both hope his father continues to live a long and happy life - dad is actually doing better than he was the last I had talked to Barry and I'm sure that's because he is doing such a good job of caring for him).

We talked for a long time about a situation that Barry was dealing with that was troubling for him and discussed how best to approach it and how to agree with each other in prayer about it... and that felt so natural and normal to have those kind of "God" conversations with him. How I have missed that! I know that there will never again be a significant other in my life who doesn't have a significant daily walk with God... and a similar belief structure. We talked for an hour and it was time for me to go into bible study. He plans to call and update me on his situation within the next few days and he plans to make the trip up here to spend some time with me soon. He was just such a huge encouragement for me and talked about how strong I am (why do people keep saying that, Eva???) and how he knows that I will come out of this better off. And I am... already... so much better off...

Now this doesn't mean that I'm pinning my romantic hopes on Barry. This means that I'm blessed to call him a friend and that I'm grateful for that relationship, regardless of where it leads us. He was my friend a lot longer than he was anything else to me. I will say that IF (capital I, capital F) I were ever to even begin to consider even so much as a date with anyone once my divorce is final... then it will have to be someone with those same qualities that Barry has... of patience, obligation, respect, kindness, gentleness...

Bible study was awesome... beyond words or description. The class was absolutely packed and most churches aren't packing out classrooms on Sunday nights. That's not to brag on my church, that's to explain the genuine desire that my church family has to fellowship, learn, worship... Angie teaches the class on Sunday night and we had about oh... 20-25 women there. Keep in mind that this is the home study bible fellowship and our church has a bunch of groups meeting in homes all over the county. Our group just happens to meet at the church because most of the people have little kids who need someone to watch them. The men meet separately and the children meet separately and the teenagers meet separately. We were talking about being servants of God and how important it is to be a faithful servant... we only covered two verses out of the 21 we were supposed to cover... there was so much great discussion and (because it's a group of women) tears and laughter.

Afterwards I got a "squeeze" from each of my redheaded girls and headed out for a grocery run. It's the first chance I've had all weekend to go grocery shopping. Before I left the church I made sure Austin had a sweatshirt as it is really chilly - possibly below freezing tonight! He handed me a bible that he had gotten from the bible drill teacher... he said, "Mom... they gave me my own bible... it even has my name in it...".

Yeah. He super mega loathes it. Can't you tell?

10 comments:

Maire said...

Isn't it wonderful to re-connect with special people in your life? Especially when their heart is still open to you, and you feel that it reinforces what a good person you are to still have such good people to connect with after a bad situation.

a corgi said...

sounds like such an awesome church you are going to; so neat Austin is feeling comfortable going there too and wanting to participate in Bible drill, even if it is only for going away to a retreat, but hey its a start right? sounds like an awesome Bible study too!!

betty

Estela said...

I am so glad that you have found a church home that is feeding your spiritual needs. Also glad that you were able to catch up with Barry. I remember him from "back in the day" of your other journal.

Cindy Swanson said...

I LOVE the title of your blog! :) And you sure have some goodlooking kids. I'm pretty sure this is my first visit to your blog...loved it!

moshell's lilbit of space said...

Even though he super duper loathes church...I think he is very excited!!! that is AWESOME.

dasajam1 said...

I am so glad things are falling into place for you and Austin. Your in my thoughts Heather. I would also love to know more about the solider that sent you a check. How wonderful! Is this part of the Church helping you? And I wish I was closer to you guys I would FIND you a BED! Have you tried Craigslist? You know I helped a lot of younf Military families this way by posting in the want section and giving a brief description of your situation and seeing if anyone can offer donations of household items. It has always been a blessing. Danielle

Nancy said...

I don't know if I've ever commented on your journal, but I have followed your journey for quite awhile. I felt it was time to comment now and tell you that I admire your strength and courage, and that it is good to see you flourishing again. God is good, isn't He?!?

Nancy :-)

Beth said...

I hope your friend can sort things out. I think we've all been there, and we've all had friends who have been there. It's so easy to just keep looking for companionship because we're uncomfortable with not having "someone."

The best thing I ever did for myself was, after a string of bad relationships, to just be single. I didn't date ANYONE for several months. It gave me time to think about what I wanted in a husband, and what kind of work I needed to do on MYSELF. When I finally met Ken, I was ready to be completely committed to a marriage, and we're going on 7 years now.

I think a period of reflection is necessary after a divorce or breakup, rather than settling for anyone. We're too important to just "settle!" It sounds like you're doing just that, and I say good for you, Heather.

Hugs, Beth

Tina said...

it is always nice to have someone like that to bounce things off of.
enjoy your week!

Ericanbiloxi said...

I'm not sure what puts a smile on my face faster.....hearing you be YOU again or the fact that Austin sounds like he is lovin it up there and is surrounded by great people in the church.