My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What Happened Wednesday

I woke up this morning feeling sniffly and icky. This is a recurring theme for me. I prayed all the way to work... I'm learning to make my "commute" (and it hardly seems right to call it that - it's more of a scenic drive through the valley with the mountains in the distance) I'm trying to make it a time of focus, prayer, worship, preparation... and so far, that seems to be giving me a supernatural strength. Not as in Heroes special powers... but strength that passes anything I've had before, cheerfulness and peace and grace and excitement and enthusiasm that are just completely the opposite of what I have felt in the past. I have ALWAYS been tired. Seriously... my entire adult life I have been tired... I mean, first I was a young working mother with little children... and then I was a single mother... and then I was fighting such overwhelming depression... I'm just tired of being tired.

And... no, it's not a thyroid issue (that's been checked) and yes, without a doubt, I'm still adjusting to my new work hours... it's a big deal to go from working 25 hours a week to working 40 hours a week... it really is! And honestly... I'm still detoxing and adjusting from all the crap I was on... prescribed but still with lots of side effects, such as weight gain... so there are logical reasons for my fatigue... but it makes it no less frustrating. I am truly surviving at work by the Grace of God and His provision in my life. I'm having to depend on prayer... and I'm grateful for that supernatural power, soooo grateful! I just want to feel good.

Today has been a good day. Ryan is on his way to Atlanta from Philly (where he now lives and works). He will be here for a few days. If all goes well, Cody and Ryan will be bringing not just ONE but two beds up here tomorrow. I could- cross your fingers and say a prayer!- I could be in a real bed as early as tomorrow night! And even if they can't get the beds here, my co-worker has been able to locate a bed for us (I think I mentioned that they participate in a ministry that provides furniture to people in need... her husband has been watching for a bed for us! They have one ready to deliver on Saturday!) It looks like our time of air mattress sleeping is winding to an end.

I think I've mentioned another co-worker who is a single dad of five. My nosy self has been wondering what happened to the mother of those babies. Today we had a few minutes to talk and it turns out that his situation was similar to my first marriage - with his spouse being addicted to alcohol and unable to be a real parent to their children. I KNOW the weight of that responsibility... and it breaks my heart for him... and for his kids. But I also know that my kids are who they are because of that... they are compassionate, they are kind, they are really good about family obligations... and a big part of that is because they learned early on that their dad was going to play a different role in their lives than the average parent. In many ways, they had to be the more giving party in their relationship with him. They have loved him... and been protective of him... and been forgiving of him... they have been self-sufficient and they have learned to rely on other people in their lives who love them. My co-worker has just gone through three years of court battles to gain full custody of his kids - and he now has it. The mom doesn't even have visitation.

It just frustrates me how people don't realize how good they have it. I get aggravated at mothers who walk away from their children. Fathers who disappear and don't pay child support. Husbands who aren't faithful. Wives who shrewishly complain about everything. To find someone who loves you and wants to share your life is a beautiful gift. Cherish it. Honor it. Appreciate it. There are just so many hurt and hurting people who long for someone to share their life. How is any high, any buzz, any affection or attention from anyone worth throwing away a commitment? A future? Love?

Sorry to be soap-boxing tonight... I just get frustrated from it all.

Today was a good day for me. I had a great review with Duane and set my goals for the rest of the year. I haven't sold anything this week... I've got to get my game face on tomorrow and beat the bushes! I need some commission! He was very encouraging and positive and I'm grateful. I want to do a good job. I want to make a difference. God brought me here to do more than cash a paycheck. There is a greater purpose.

I was feeling really tired on my way home from work but never really considered missing church. I mean... I could have... my bible study class wasn't meeting tonight... but I wanted that time of fellowship. I wanted Austin to have that continuity. So we went... and had dinner... our usual table of assorted Gants and Natalie, the young widow... and the guy whose wife works late on Wednesdays... and the Pastor's 14 year old daughter with Downs... a pleasant group... with the usual hugs and hellos from others... it's uplifting and encouraging to be a part of the Family of God and to share time with them.

I went to the youth group service tonight just to see what that was all about. My brother taught from John 13 on washing feet - and being a servant to others. Afterwards, I went with Angie to pick up the girls from their classes... I love to be a part of their "dismissal" on Wednesday nights. I help gather them and their stuff and help Angie get them in the car... give 'em a kiss and a hug and tell them good night.

Jamie's little friends Bailey and Eli (little boys - both age 5) were giving me a hard time about my Gators shirt I was wearing. Bailey's family is all Georgia Bulldogs... and Eli's dad got his degree at Florida State. Only in the deep south would you have five year olds who are already loyal to a college team! Eli said, "Booo Gators... I like Seminoles!" and I said, "that's ok, Eli, I love you anyways". Eli is special to me because he is planning to marry Sarabeth... and because his mama is just a really loving, kind, Godly woman who has shown me much love and grace since I've been here. Eli is one of five kids and that also makes him special to me since I am one of five. Bailey is precious to me because his mom has also been a kind and compassionate sister in Christ. This is what it means to be a part of the Family of God... to enjoy the little children who are my earthly family but also to enjoy the little children who are of my sisters in Christ, my heavenly family.

Since Jamie always gets picked up from her church classes, she wanted to know who was going to pick up Austin from HIS class.... and so we let HER pick him up. She thought it was the funniest thing!

Austin has made a special friend at school. Her name is Dana. That's all he'll tell me. He's been texting like crazy... although he's been cautioned that he can only have 100 texts... and not to get used to it because it looks like the only cell coverage I'm going to be able to get is the emergency phone... no texts...

Ok... the sleepy bug is getting in my eyes... I need a good night's rest. *hugs* to all of you.

13 comments:

Traci said...

Don't worry about the soap boxiness of you post. A good friend of mine left her hubby and five kids within the last year. I just don't get it. I really don't.
You have the right to be tired too. It's ok. It will get easier.

Tina said...

that tiredness will eventually go away. Have a wonderful night and I know you will be so grateful to see a new bed, wherever it may come!
big hug
tina

mawmaw8659 said...

I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue when I was about 30 and it is hereditary, sorry.

Linda said...

I hate that feeling of being tired all the time. I have been feeling that way for the past few months. I will keep you in my prayers. Linda

Beth said...

Oh boy, I hope it works out that you can get the beds! That might help with your tiredness right there. Fingers crossed!

Hugs, Beth

~Kat~ said...

I want to say My heart goes out to women and Men who are taking care of kids all on there own... I was a single Mom when I met Danny He had 2 boys he was raiseing all on his own There Mom wanted to be free There is a part of me that Thanks her for walking away why? Because I feel it would have been more damaging for Dannys kids to be with her! Now God has Given me a Blessing in these 2 boys I love them as my own I dont let them call me Mom They have a Mom But Iam a IMportant part of there Life and sometimes it works for the Best!!! Blessings Kat:)

Myra said...

There are so many reasons why people do what they do, and for those that make different choices, to stay, be responsible, etc., it just doesn't make sense, and we may never understand. Perhaps your tiredness will ease when you get a "good" night sleep! Kudos to you for going to fellowship...something you really need right now!

Ericanbiloxi said...

We all need to get up on that soapbox once in a while.
I don't get it how any parent could just give up on their children....even coming from a set of parents that did*
Enjoy those no airmatress beds lol if you don't have to fight the cats for one. lol

Emmi said...

I've always been tired until my doctor put me on a vitamin B complex. Now I'm not really tired unless I forget to take it.

Anonymous said...

I just ran across your blog and noticed you mentioned not being able to find a good cell phone because of credit...have you checked out the go phone pick your plan from At&t? I used that during college and it doesn't require a credit check and you can get a regular plan with a set number of minutes and even texting plan options. You should check it out I think verizon also has similar plans.

sober white women said...

I know how good I have it. My girls once asked me if I hated my ex. I told them no. Because if he had not treated me so bad then I would not know how good I do have it!
Kelli

Big Mark 243 said...

You find strength and comfort in your faith, and this is your sharing it with the world.

As to the non-custodial parent thingy, between the system and simple human emotions, be glad that you DON'T see any of what you don't understand. Life is a twisted road, not a straight one, and the situations would shock you.

How about saying that there aren't any easy answers, and everyone has to find one that works for them? Because, dontcha know, no one went to bed as a child of being in a situation where they are away from their child, for whatever reason. Life happens.

Judy said...

I'm so glad I ran across your blog! It helps me just knowing I'm not alone in this. I just recently separated from my husband and have our 2 daughters. Fortunately is was amicable, and things are moving along. I just started a new job I really like, so the pressure of having my own health insurance is gone. I have a wonderful humanitarian business that is growing wildly, and bringing in the much needed extra cash, and I'm helping spread humanitarian aid around the world, at the same time. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to follow your blog, it's inspiring. And you will be prayed for daily!