some Wednesday things

I had weird dreams last night. I dreamed that I went back to get some things from the condo and there were rats everywhere. I tried to vacuum them up and they turned into cartoon ninja fighting rats and would JUST NOT go up in that vacuum. Then we went to subway and the guy at subway wouldn't let me have my own veggies on a tuna salad... and I curled up in a blanket and refused to eat anything. I don't know what any of that means... but it was a rather entertaining dream.

At some point Austin's three legged wonder cat planted himself on my chest and merowed me until I got up and opened Austin's door to let him in Austin's room. Austin had to sleep in his room last night because he got in trouble. He has eaten $75 worth of groceries in two days... he ate everything in the house... I think he was even licking the paint off the walls! When I say everything... I mean... two half gallons of ice cream, two boxes of eggos, 8 smart ones frozen dinners.... soooo much food! We talked about boundaries and self-control and since he had shown evidence of the capacity to have either, he was sent to bed like a small child.

For a long time I was in the practice of reading a Proverbs a day. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs and they each contain little snippets of wisdom, not really deep theological study, so they make great passages to read while you're drying your hair or doing something else where you can't really dig deep into the Word. Today is the 22nd and one of the most noted parenting verses is in that chapter... verse 6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it". Austin's baby nursery was decorated in trains based on that verse.

I'm trying to train him in the way he should go. It's not easy. I don't have time and energy to watch him as carefully as he needs to be watched but I am going to have to do a better job of enforcing boundaries and giving consequences for stepping outside of those boundaries. For him it's not really rebellion so much as it is doing things to excess... sleeping... eating... watching tv... and some of that is adolescence and some of that is autism and regardless of the root, he can be trained to not give into every whim. He HAS to be trained to not give in to every whim.

The hard thing about single parenting is that Austin is the only person who lives with me and when he's mad at me, I feel very lonely. That's selfish of me to sacrifice raising him right for my companionship and I have to do a better job of being the bad guy when necessary. Mothers just aren't wired to be the bad guy.

Did I mention that I bought him two pairs of jeans and two sweatshirts yesterday? He just didn't have any long pants and it's cold here. I just got them at walmart and it was not that expensive. I would have gone to the thrift store but I didn't have time... Walmart is right by my office.

My blood pressure is up... I can feel it... just that feeling of dizziness and pressure... my vision is blurry today... I'm going to have to still my mind and not let the things from the past visit me today. Not today... I have to be careful. Of course... I never ate dinner last night... maybe that's why I'm dizzy. I'll have a bowl of cereal before I get my shower.

Today is my shorter day at work. I'll leave at 4 so we can get to dinner and bible study on time. We'll be home at 8 so it's still a long day. I haven't finished my homework for my bible study... I have just been so busy! That's a lame excuse.... I feel bad... I'll be cramming before class!

That durn cat just took off with my hair band that I use to make my ponytail at night! I have lost most of them... I bet that's what's happening. BRAT!

Time to get started with my day!