My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

some Wednesday things

I had weird dreams last night. I dreamed that I went back to get some things from the condo and there were rats everywhere. I tried to vacuum them up and they turned into cartoon ninja fighting rats and would JUST NOT go up in that vacuum. Then we went to subway and the guy at subway wouldn't let me have my own veggies on a tuna salad... and I curled up in a blanket and refused to eat anything. I don't know what any of that means... but it was a rather entertaining dream.

At some point Austin's three legged wonder cat planted himself on my chest and merowed me until I got up and opened Austin's door to let him in Austin's room. Austin had to sleep in his room last night because he got in trouble. He has eaten $75 worth of groceries in two days... he ate everything in the house... I think he was even licking the paint off the walls! When I say everything... I mean... two half gallons of ice cream, two boxes of eggos, 8 smart ones frozen dinners.... soooo much food! We talked about boundaries and self-control and since he had shown evidence of the capacity to have either, he was sent to bed like a small child.

For a long time I was in the practice of reading a Proverbs a day. There are 31 chapters in Proverbs and they each contain little snippets of wisdom, not really deep theological study, so they make great passages to read while you're drying your hair or doing something else where you can't really dig deep into the Word. Today is the 22nd and one of the most noted parenting verses is in that chapter... verse 6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it". Austin's baby nursery was decorated in trains based on that verse.

I'm trying to train him in the way he should go. It's not easy. I don't have time and energy to watch him as carefully as he needs to be watched but I am going to have to do a better job of enforcing boundaries and giving consequences for stepping outside of those boundaries. For him it's not really rebellion so much as it is doing things to excess... sleeping... eating... watching tv... and some of that is adolescence and some of that is autism and regardless of the root, he can be trained to not give into every whim. He HAS to be trained to not give in to every whim.

The hard thing about single parenting is that Austin is the only person who lives with me and when he's mad at me, I feel very lonely. That's selfish of me to sacrifice raising him right for my companionship and I have to do a better job of being the bad guy when necessary. Mothers just aren't wired to be the bad guy.

Did I mention that I bought him two pairs of jeans and two sweatshirts yesterday? He just didn't have any long pants and it's cold here. I just got them at walmart and it was not that expensive. I would have gone to the thrift store but I didn't have time... Walmart is right by my office.

My blood pressure is up... I can feel it... just that feeling of dizziness and pressure... my vision is blurry today... I'm going to have to still my mind and not let the things from the past visit me today. Not today... I have to be careful. Of course... I never ate dinner last night... maybe that's why I'm dizzy. I'll have a bowl of cereal before I get my shower.

Today is my shorter day at work. I'll leave at 4 so we can get to dinner and bible study on time. We'll be home at 8 so it's still a long day. I haven't finished my homework for my bible study... I have just been so busy! That's a lame excuse.... I feel bad... I'll be cramming before class!

That durn cat just took off with my hair band that I use to make my ponytail at night! I have lost most of them... I bet that's what's happening. BRAT!

Time to get started with my day!

13 comments:

Lainey Laine said...

oooh your dream is crazy! hee hee. I cant remember dreams lately - does that mean we dont dream or just dont have one! Sorry that it is hard for you with Austin. But, I bet you are a great mum and you can only do your best! It sounds like you do. Laine xxx
http://lainecreative.blogspot.com/
http://lainey-lainesworld.blogspot.com/

~Kat~ said...

I hope you have a Blessed day It isnt easy being a parent But you must lay down rules then he will respect you for loving him enough all kids cross those boudries when they can we just need to put them in there place lol maybe you should explain that money is tight and show him how much it cost to buy all that food it might help him to see it easyer plus when you lived at the condo he could eat what ever.. he has to see that money is tight now and food is expesive maybe just a little lesson in money anyway Have a great day Kat:)

Michelle said...

I hear you with how hard it is being a single parent.

One of the things I had to get through my head when I went to group therapy for 6 weeks was that my kids are not my friends and I can't treat them as if they were. I needed to set strong boundaries.
I didn't like hearing that lol - but they were right - and some things have gotten better since I started saying that to my kids.

Such as Danny staying in his room at night instead of sneaking into my bed every night.

they respect me more - and they know my love for them is unconditional - but they don't get away with everything (I'm still too soft lol)

My middle son has mild autism. I didn't realize your son was on the spectrum.

Hugs!!!

Love,

Michelle

Myra said...

It must be hard for you because there is no one else! He only has you, and you only have him! You will set the rules, and since he has shown that he can abide by boundaries, and that there are consequences...you just need to be consistent too. Definitely not easy! What a funny cat!

Emmi said...

LMAO ... I love when I have crazy yet entertaining dream. I find that I wake up feeling good.

Estela said...

My cat loves hair scrunchies. She's rather devious about getting them too, so I no doubt that your three-legged cat could be the culprit behind the missing headbands. Single parenting is tough (I get to have bouts of that while Paul is gone)... It is hard to watch them when you have to be at work, etc during the day. But I agree with Michelle... I love my kids, but they are not my friends (right now). Hope you find that balance for you and Austin.

sober white women said...

Oh the joys of raising children! Our son Ryan is the same way. Sad to say I just don't buy a lot of the foods that he would eat. It is not fair to the rest of us to not be able to have ice cream, but that is the way it is. sigh
Kelli

Ericanbiloxi said...

I have had some crazy dreams too for the last couple of days and can't figure out why.
That is a lot of food...I know boys are bigger eaters and growing, but DAMN! lol
I will never ever own another cat...period!

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Hope you have a great Wednesday!
'On Ya' - ma

Chrissie said...

Well they do say boys will eat you out of house and home. It's hard being the parent and I always get to be the bad guy too because my soon.to.be ex wants to be a whimp and avoid the situations. Hope you feel better. If you don't have meds for your blood pressure maybe you should check into that. Our cats use to drag everything off to a hiding spot. If you find out where the hiding spot is I bet everything you've been looking for will be there.
Take care, Chrissie

Tracy said...

wow your son can eat! but yes you deffiently have to let him know that things are tight and he cant just eat like that! crazy cat, probobly is taking your hairbands lol. hugs

Nancy said...

I am a teacher for children with autism, so I understand completely what you go through with your son. My day is about setting boundaries and trying to counteract the obsessing and excessiveness... always a challenge! You're a great mom... just hang in there!
*HUGS*
Nancy :-)

Sweetnessk71 said...

Hiya. Sorry to hear that you arnt feeling well. I hope you are able to get your meds. It's important to not stop some of them cold turkey. I know how teens are. Sometimes mine will sneak food or drink and have at it. Years ago she walked out with chocolate melted on her leg. Turns out she had taken a bag of chocloate chips to bed lol. take care

Kris