abandoned

It's friday and i have a headache and my keyboard is not allowing me to shift... therefore i cannot capitalize. for those of you who are bothered by such grammatical deficiencies... i encourage you to skip this post and save yourself the aggravation. i'm not lazy or ignorant. i'm just compromised.

the nice local computer guy can replace my keyboard for about $40 bucks. i may let him when i get a little breathing room in the budget. this is ok for now.

i have a terrible sinus headache this morning. will bow down to the pharmaceutical industry this morning and take an allegra. it pains me to do so but it pains me more not to.

big day ahead... having a picnic lunch with stasha and her boyfriend a.j. ... having dinner with joshy and megan... logan is spending the night with us... lots of young people in my life, which is such a huge blessing... which is not lost on me... i'm so grateful for the people that God (had to work for that capital letter but it would be wrong not to) has brought into my life.

logan hung out with us last night with his latest girlfriend... i took all three kids to walmart with me and had three teenagers tossing things into my cart and i tried not to stress over the budget. too much. it's good to have austin around and even better to have him have friends around and i know that i am blessed to be the koolaid mom every now and then... even though my house at the moment looks like a frat house. i'm promised a spotless house by the time i get home from work today. we'll see.

shortly after dark the boys came in and said they were going to walk the girl to the local elementary school so she could meet her ride... it was only about a half mile away but it was dark... i offered to drive her up there... on the drive i ascertained that she was actually going to be walking to the high school to meet her friends after the homecoming bonfire. um. not on my watch you're not. the high school is several miles away on a dark two lane highway with no street lights and no sidewalks and it was chilly and she had no jacket. i offered to drive her to the high school. we got to the high school and she couldn't find her friends... didn't have their phone numbers... i offered to drive her home. she didn't know how to get there.

obviously... at this point i'm perplexed, slightly aggravated at schlepping around the county after dark and have to figure out a way to get chicka home. she did know the address... so we plugged it into garmin (thanks again, boo!) and found that she lived back the other way... on the west side of the county... about ten miles from where we were... so we navigated our way to her house. i didn't say anything about it ... didn't want to make her feel bad... but after she got out of the car i started questioning the boys... where are her parents? who leaves a young girl to find her way home in our big rural county? wth? and apparently... she is staying with friends... parents kicked her out for some reason...

it just made me sad. she's so young to be abandoned in that way. i have no idea what she did... but how could any parent know their child was out there, unprotected, trying to find her own way in the world? it broke my heart. i made logan and austin promise me that they would never let anyone put themselves in danger in the way she would have by walking to the school in the dark... yes, i hate getting out after dark but... we have to take better care of the people in our world who are abandoned or in need. i haven't been able to get her off my mind. what else does she need? does she have clothes, shoes, school supplies, lunch money? who are these people she's staying with that there's no concern about her welfare...

and i couldn't help but think... as chaotic and messy as my house is... it is a place of laughter and contentment and a place to be fed, warm, safe... it is a home. and i hope that whatever time she spends in our home is a blessing to her... even with me hollering at them to calm down, quiet down, quit throwing pillows, quit wrestling, stop drawing on each other with permanent marker, finish the dishes, take out the trash... i guess even a shrewish mom is better than no mom at all. my kids' friends keep coming around... heck... i've spent more time with joshy this year than with my own boys... so apparently my house isn't to unbearable.

and i couldn't help but think about feeling abandoned. being alone is my greatest fear... i mean, for all intents and purposes i am alone, at least in the sense of being unattached to a significant other... but i'm never abandoned. when there is a crisis in my life, i have my choice of a couple dozen people who love me and support me financially and emotionally. i have a God who loves me, sets angels watch over me, protects, provides, guides. there is always someone around to catch me when i fall, or at least, help pick me up and dust me off.

what is it like to be abandoned at a young age... with no resources... no one to help... to have to face walking miles in the dark to possibly find a ride ... what would have happened if she got there and couldn't find someone? she didn't even have a cellphone.

it reminded me how blessed i am... how comfortable and coddled and protected i am. and it reminded me that i have a duty to be more alert and attuned to the needs of others around me. to make sure the young people who cross paths with me find a shelter in my presence. to do what i can with what i have.

i pray you do the same.