I feel completely emotionally spent today.
Work is good. I met Duane's wife today and she is beautiful and down to earth and charming. So is his daughter... the one who prayed that God would give her daddy wisdom about whether or not to hire me. She's a sweet girl... I hugged both wife and daughter... I feel a real spiritual connection with them.
My conviction about work is this:
Colossians 3:22-24 22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Regardless of who signs my paycheck, my obligation is bigger than where I work and for whom I work... my obligation is to further the kingdom of God. I told Duane today in all sincerity, "I can't believe you pay me to do this". I had two more car loan applications today which were both denied... but I haven't submitted 3 loans in a week EVER... so I know that I am on the right track and that this whole idea of depending more heavily on commission will work out just fine.
Did I mention I was going to get my tag today? Well... no such luck.... I need to transfer my license to Georgia first. Sorry, mom. The nearest drivers license place is 30-45 minutes away so that will be a Saturday thing. And then the tag next Monday. Hopefully. In the meantime I am praying that I don't get stopped. I'm trying.
I am so emotionally spent today. Some days it's easier than others. Today I felt bitterness and frustration and jealousy and hurt. I'm just telling the truth. I know you all want me to be strong and victorious and bigger than this... and I know you want me to always celebrate the amazing transformation in my life and I do... and I will. But I'm just telling you... today has been hard. Today it has been harder to quiet my mind. Today I have felt fear again and I am praying tonight and reminding myself of God's promises to me. To all of us. Look at this awesome passage I found yesterday:
Isaiah 54:5-7 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
5 For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God.
7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
That last verse took my breath away when I read it... "with deep compassion I will bring you back". The context of this passage is God's promise to the nation of Israel... but we, as Christians, are adopted into that family and I am not afraid to boldly accept those promises on my own behalf and take them literally. That makes me want to stand on a table and scream to anyone who will listen, "HE IS GOING TO BRING ME BACK!!!". Is bringing... work in progress... on the way... not past tense... WILL BRING... what an awesome and beautiful thought!
I want you to know though, because I want to live openly and honestly, that there are times that the journey is difficult. And I know that there are people who are living with such greater hurts and disappointments, greater fear and frustration... I know that my worst thing might not compare with the suffering of others. But my worst thing is my WORST... it's the biggest problem I'm facing and it's the thing that sometimes brings me to my knees... but the good thing about being brought to your knees is that it's a great place to pray.
I guess the point is that we are always one phone call or knock on the door or one heartbeat or breath away from disaster. We have no guarantees. We can only know with certainty that we will be disappointed... that we will mess up... that there are times that stuff is gonna get us down... the only thing that does not change is God. He never moves.
Am I preaching too much? The thing about being emotionally drained is that you have to be filled. I have some emails to read and some blogs to read and I haven't had dinner yet... just really not hungry. I had grapes for breakfast... ate at the local Chinese buffet on lunch... and haven't eaten since about noon. I'm not intentionally fasting but I do have my mind set on so many other things... food seems unimportant.
Isaiah 54:17 says, no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me, declares the Lord.
Have a great evening y'll!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I feel completely emotionally spent today.
Posted by Heather at 9:16 PM