Punday Sunday

A successful diet is a matter of mind over platter.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.


I love puns! My brother is a master punmaker... he can pull a pun out of just about any subject. I'd love to hear any you have... I had to google to get these I used today. I'm not that creative. I try... usually the best I come up with is following up one of Bubba's puns with, "that's punny"...

I know. sad. The thing I love about puns is they sometimes take a minute... it's more highly evolved humor... and it requires a more highly evolved grasp on language.

Anyways... today my precious Jamie gurl is going to be baptized. I'm going to be back in the bapistry with her... not in the actually baptistry pool, you understand, just back stage with her. My favorite place to be in any situation... behind the scenes, right in the thick of things without the pressure. I'm only going to stay long enough for the baptism because I am seriously uncomfortable.

I'm so grateful my doctor set me up with meds on Friday because otherwise, I would have ended up in Urgent Care begging for some. They just take the edge off... don't really take the pain completely away... but I've been pretty much Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds this weekend.

Yesterday Crunch and Munch made the drive to the hills to hang out with me. He brought food and I cooked it... and then we watched basketball all afternoon... and then he went and bought a slice of cake for each of us from Glenda's... great, yummy, homemade cakes... we had a good time. It's not all relationshippy... I'm not in that place with him and I may not be in that place with anyone, ever. It's the great conundrum of my life... I *think* I want to be coupled up but I don't seem to fit in a partnership. I seem to thrive more as a single girl with options. Stupid Cupid.

My eating was bizarre yesterday. I have this odd bi-polar appetite thing going on where I'm constantly nauseous, at times miserably nauseous... but I'm hungry. I just have to eat really slow or eat small meals. I had a bacon biscuit yesterday morning... have been wanting one for months and I just went for it. For lunch I fixed my favorite meal: broiled tilapia over fresh spinach, broiled tomatoes drizzled with olive oil and parmesan. I made my 3bean salad, taboule and white bean hummus with baby carrots to dip. Super healthy lunch, right? And then for dinner... I had a piece of black walnut cake. I stayed within my points... but it wasn't the most nutritious menu.

Austin and I had a chat yesterday about his lack of appreciation for the limits of my resources. I discovered that he has been purchasing pay per view movies every month. I rarely look at my satellite bill and always pay a little extra every month, trying to get ahead... but the amount has been steadily going up. I dug through my stack of unopened mail and found the past few months of pay per view... and he has been buying 5-10 movies per month at the rate of $4.99 each. What aggravates me is that 1. he hasn't asked. 2. I've told him that one a month is ok but that I can't afford more than that. 3. we can rent movies for a fraction of the price at the redbox 4. if he buys a movie, if it's something I'd like to see... I'd like to know we bought it so I could see it too. He just flat out doesn't get it.

And of course... I'm down to one fork, one spoon and two bowls... I have one glass... it's ridiculous. I have no idea what he's doing with my dishes. The child just sucks up resources to the extent that I can't keep up with purchasing to replace what he ruins/wastes/loses. Not to mention (because I already have) the way he wastes food. It's just so discouraging. I am so ready to divorce this kid.

If he doesn't stop buying pay-per-view movies... he's going to be down to only paper view for entertainment... as in books.

Not a great pun, but I tried.

I've got to figure out how to block pay-per-view purchases. Life with Austin would be hard no matter what, in a two parent, two income family with two healthy parents. But being the only parent, only income and not well... I'm just completely overwhelmed with him. Yesterday he was begging for money to buy snacks for him and his friends. He took the hot dogs and buns that I had bought for us to eat this weekend over to his friends house to feed everyone. I can't afford to feed us... I mean, I'm seriously out of money and living off the bounty of the pantry... and he's taking what I have and feeding other people. So frustrating. AND OF COURSE... I didn't get the child support that I should have gotten on Friday. THE LEAST his father could do, since he is absolutely no help with raising the kid... is make sure the money comes on time.

BUT... I have decided that I won't be buying more phone time for him this month. When it runs out, he's without until he makes some major changes.... starting with... finding and cleaning my missing dishes.

Gosh. This entry took a dark turn, didn't it? Let's end it on a lighter note:

Adolescence—when a lad forsakes his bosom buddy for a bosomed buddy.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.