My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

thankful thursday - just because God can, doesn't mean God will

The most remarkable thing about the snow on the ground here in North Georgia is the layer of ice on top of it... it gives it a special shimmer and shine... it's quite lovely.



And although I had a rough night last night... I'm thankful this Thursday for the beauty all around us. In a life that for me, right now, seems *stuck*... it's a change of scenery that I really needed. I don't take it for granted. It's a challenge... the main roads are clear but there are icy spots that sneak up on you... but parking lots and side streets have a thick layer of ice that makes driving really scary.
I had one comment to my post last night... and it was from the same bad speller that always wants to stick the knife in and twist any time I'm discouraged. Thanks for that, buddy. I left it up. The point is not that I'm lacking in faith. Quite the opposite... I believe God CAN... I just don't believe God WILL. I've gone out with some really wrong for me guys but when I meet a guy who meets all of MY requirements AND is a Godly man to boot... who is really digging me and can't wait to spend time with me... and then AFTER spending time with me summarily dismisses me... (or, like some... just rides off into the sunset) it really is discouraging. There's no way NOT to make that about you, at least a little.
Truly... sometimes God says yes...
sometimes God says wait...
and sometimes He says no.
I mean, people don't always recover from cancer.
Poor people still go hungry.
People suffer.
Sometimes that thorn in the flesh isn't removed.
Children die.
I think it's time for me to accept that even a loving God sometimes has a plan that is very different for you than the plan you had for yourself.
I think it's time for me to stop allowing my bruised heart to be exposed to the elements.
I think it's time that I stop going thru this process.
If he's out there, if he's God's will, he will have to just land on my doorstep because I'm not looking any more. I'm not talking to any more guys. I'm not giving my phone number. I'm not friending any more guys on facebook. I'm done with this process. It's exhausting, it's demoralizing, it's hurtful, it's discouraging. It takes too much out of me.
I can't do it any more.
And if you, anonymous bad speller, think that means I'm lacking in faith, then you just go right ahead and think that.
I have faith that God will provide, as He always has, to fill my life with people who love me and encourage me and help fill in the blanks that are left because of a lack of a significant person in my life. I believe that.
My life is good. My SINGLE life is good. And maybe, just maybe, that's the point.
Maybe I was meant to be just as I am.
I'm weary. I'm discouraged. But I'm thankful still.
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5 comments:

Sharon said...

Don't worry Heather. It took almost 3 years for me and Ron to meet and we have lasted 17 yrs this March. I had dated several guys before we met. None of them "felt" right. I was ready to be a single mom since I didn't/couldn't find anyone right. Then Ron came. Don't give up It will happen when you least expect it to.

Jeanne said...

I must say, Anonymous comments shouldn't be allowed. If you don't have the guts to identify yourself when you post a comment, you shouldn't be allowed to comment at all. Just my opinion. I have no idea if there is a way to block anonymous comments, but if you can, YOU SHOULD!

I was thinking about how you said you were giving up trying to find the right guy...and I started to think....I wonder if this is like people who have trouble getting pregnant? I know it is said that some people try and try and try...and then they give up trying, some may adopt...and POOF...they get pregnant! Maybe this applies to dating too! Focus on taking care of YOU and doing what makes you happy...if the rest is meant to happen, it will happen! (and you will probably find a much more decent, compatible guy while you are out doing things you like to do!)

((hugs))
Jeanne

Anonymous said...

I am glad that you are enjoying life where you are, it would be a shame to waste your life looking something, instead of enjoying what you have. Things happen in time, sometimes you can't rush the right time.
Hang in there.
Barbara

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Brown Recluse said...

Heather...I think most people have been in your place. I know it's not where you want to be, but like everthing else, situations change...usually when we least expect it.

Mr. Nice Guy sounds pretty superficial, and it's good to know that now...

Don't give up on love. It really is going to be OK because you know Jesus, and He's got you covered.