Thursday, January 13, 2011
The most remarkable thing about the snow on the ground here in North Georgia is the layer of ice on top of it... it gives it a special shimmer and shine... it's quite lovely.
And although I had a rough night last night... I'm thankful this Thursday for the beauty all around us. In a life that for me, right now, seems *stuck*... it's a change of scenery that I really needed. I don't take it for granted. It's a challenge... the main roads are clear but there are icy spots that sneak up on you... but parking lots and side streets have a thick layer of ice that makes driving really scary.
I had one comment to my post last night... and it was from the same bad speller that always wants to stick the knife in and twist any time I'm discouraged. Thanks for that, buddy. I left it up. The point is not that I'm lacking in faith. Quite the opposite... I believe God CAN... I just don't believe God WILL. I've gone out with some really wrong for me guys but when I meet a guy who meets all of MY requirements AND is a Godly man to boot... who is really digging me and can't wait to spend time with me... and then AFTER spending time with me summarily dismisses me... (or, like some... just rides off into the sunset) it really is discouraging. There's no way NOT to make that about you, at least a little.
Truly... sometimes God says yes...
sometimes God says wait...
and sometimes He says no.
I mean, people don't always recover from cancer.
Poor people still go hungry.
Sometimes that thorn in the flesh isn't removed.
I think it's time for me to accept that even a loving God sometimes has a plan that is very different for you than the plan you had for yourself.
I think it's time for me to stop allowing my bruised heart to be exposed to the elements.
I think it's time that I stop going thru this process.
If he's out there, if he's God's will, he will have to just land on my doorstep because I'm not looking any more. I'm not talking to any more guys. I'm not giving my phone number. I'm not friending any more guys on facebook. I'm done with this process. It's exhausting, it's demoralizing, it's hurtful, it's discouraging. It takes too much out of me.
I can't do it any more.
And if you, anonymous bad speller, think that means I'm lacking in faith, then you just go right ahead and think that.
I have faith that God will provide, as He always has, to fill my life with people who love me and encourage me and help fill in the blanks that are left because of a lack of a significant person in my life. I believe that.
My life is good. My SINGLE life is good. And maybe, just maybe, that's the point.
Maybe I was meant to be just as I am.
I'm weary. I'm discouraged. But I'm thankful still.
Posted by Heather at 6:30 AM