My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, January 14, 2011

yearning for spring

Sad to say but if my kid was a boyfriend or a roommate, I'd have kicked his grumpy self out a long time ago.

Yesterday I had to endure a violent outburst because I *dared* to remind him to throw away the trash he had left on the kitchen counter.

He has a bad habit of leaving packaging, boxes, empties... lying around until I throw them out.

For once, instead of throwing them away for him, I called him in the kitchen and asked him to throw them away himself.

We haven't spoken since.

Ugh.

There's still a lot of ice all around North Georgia. I'm weary of it!

How do you folks up north handle it?

The beautiful coating of white is wonderful to look at... but the ice on the roads, parking lots, sidewalks... ugh.

Kids have been out of school all week.

Payday is Monday and the banks are closed. This is no fun for girls like me who live paycheck to paycheck.

I'm waiting to see how much of an interruption there is in child support because of the weather. He'll use any excuse... and something like this will get him off track for a month.

Because... you know... kids don't eat when they're stuck at home from school for a week. Not a bite. He hasn't cost me a dime this whole time. *sarcasm*

Why am I so grumpy and bitter this morning?

The truth is... I felt a huge weight lift off of me with the decision to retire from dating again. No more marketing myself. No more worrying about trying to be charming. No more trying to see potential... trying to be open minded... trying to see beyond the flaws... with men who are looking for instant magic. Ugh.

Am I the only single person who realizes that no one is going to meet every single objective on my wish list for a partner? I dwell in the land of possibility... creativity... flexibility... in a town with a lot of people who are stuck in their ways.

It's like there was a Country Boy Mafia that organized over a poker game... or whatever these guys do for fun arond here... and the guy with the winning hand got the chance to break my heart that week... and once he was finished... I went to the next guy.

I've heard it said... that when you go thru hard times, you have the choice of becoming bitter or becoming better. (I think there's a third option... reaching for the batter... but that's just the former fat girl thinking)

I believe there's a fine line between becoming bitter and learning to read the writing on the wall. Apparently... I'm this crazy, outlandish "city girl" who commits such huge relationship crimes as NOT reading the King James Version of the bible... owning INDOOR cats... having gay men for friends... listening to showtunes.... ugh.

I've been willing to date men who were too short... too tall... too bald... who didn't eat as healthy as I would like... who don't like the same sports teams... who weren't in my league as far as looks are concerned. I look at people with an open mind... I don't look for the perfect man... I look for the man who is willing to enter into a adult relationship and to learn from each other. I look for someone who can teach me new things, who wants to experience the things I enjoy, who is open minded enough to know that sometimes it's ok to try something new.

I had really hoped to find a local boy. I've changed my mind about that. My experience has been less than pleasant.

In a related story, I've decided I need to offer to teach charm classes at the local high school.

The truth is that I love living here. I love the community. I love the way that people watch out for each other. I love the beauty of the mountains.

I just don't enjoy the series of rejections from these small town boys.

Am I getting bitter? Maybe. Just for long enough to vent and rant and rave and nurse my wounded feelings. I'll turn it into something better. I always do.

I think it's time for me to get serious about finding that little cabin in the woods to make my single girl's dream home for me and the cats. Time to start slipping coins into a mason jar to save up for it.

Time for me to look for a cheaper place so I can save for my little cabin.

Time for me to find things that I like to do that don't involve being stuck in the nest OR hoping for some hick to fall in love with me.

I need to make the most of this life I've been given and stop looking for someone to share it with.

I need to embrace the other relationships in my life... the great friends - male and female... and spend more time appreciating what I have and less time worrying about what I don't have.

The weather will be warmer today... the ice will melt away... and soon... spring, with all it's hope and promise, will be here in the mountains. New growth... new life... always comes after the dormant, stagnant, frozen time of winter. I'm ready for a little spring in my life too.

3 comments:

Becky said...

As lovely as the mountains are, and being near your church and your girls, maybe you ultimately belong in a town that has a bit more to offer in terms of theater, insurance clients, Starbucks locations, and open-minded charming men? Or maybe you could meet someone who's not FROM the mountains that might want to live there. But I remember how much theater fed your spirit, and you had so much to offer the theater... passions like that are important to nurture.

Pretty Pauline said...

I love the mountains! And a log cabin! And as I came to comment I read what Becky said, and I love the theater! LOL! I am also longing for spring. I enjoyed this peek into who you are.

Anonymous said...

wishing you more great success.
Success in your health and that will create the confidence and esteem that will allow for the personal life to simply unfold.
Ease off the pressure. You are correct, non of these guys are perfect, nor are you. Nor was I ever.
Perhaps less public vetting of guys.
There are probably guys that dont want their every call and contact to be publicly written about. You say that you are upfront with that aspect of your life - sort of Julian Assange Wikileaks transparency style - yet that has come back to haunt you previously.
You are a beautiful person, you write beautifully, can't you not write about that part of you - and then see what happens?
The world is full of great writers, not all of them kiss and tell like you do.
Sure - its your blog - delete this comment - go into a weekend long funk about it. Or take the constructive criticism that you have made lots of great strides from where you have been. You have a great story to tell. You just don't need to tell all of the story all of the time.
My name is Joey. I am not anomymous.You have known me for years. Back in the Bear days and even before.