My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Monday, December 8, 2008

a dream

I didn't sleep well last night. I had boldly predicted (to someone) last week that although Austin has had this nasty chest cold, that I had enough antibiodics in my system that I couldn't catch anything... but last night I tossed and turned because of an earache. I have eardrops... but I didn't want to wake up enough to hunt down that tiny little bottle. My chest feels like it's stuffed with cotton. I can't be sick. I just don't have time.

Of course, while laying awake I kept forming a list of things I need to do... pay the credit card bill, call about Austin's insurance (as his id card has not yet come) pay the DISH bill, pay the water bill, pay the insurance, buy some potholders (we had two and they've been lost), finish laundry, make lunch to take today to save money...

Right now I'm trying to decide between straight and curly hair for the day. Curly is easier... but it's going to rain all week so I'm going to have to be curly all week... Today we have our staff meeting so I have to be at work early... and I really just want to get back under that warm down comforter and go back to sleep. I have never called in sick on this job and I intend to keep that streak. I had to leave to go to the doctor once... but I have made it there every morning.

I had vivid dreams last night. I dreamed about my friend Joey who just moved to NYC. I dreamed that we were walking along together and he started getting ahead of me and then he took a path that was too steep for me... he climbed a ladder with rungs that were too far apart for me to reach... I had to give up and stop following. I like to interpret dreams... that one doesn't take much insight. Joey is on a path that is not something I can do... I miss him... I love him... but I'm not meant to be with him.

I also dreamed about my husband. Usually when I dream husband dreams they are about my first husband, I'm not sure why. I can't remember ever dreaming about Michael... maybe I did and forgot... but it's uncommon. I dreamed that we were spending time together in Jacksonville and it came time for him to go back to ... wherever he lived... seems like it was Charlotte... and he said, "You're not supposed to be here... " in Jax "and I'm never going to ask you to come here again, it's too painful for you. I will keep loving you but I will love you from far off in order to keep you safe". Before I left I spent time with his family... I lingered... I was reading to Elijah (Michael's nephew) and then when I stopped to use a public restroom before I left town, a girl gave me $10k to hold for her. Then I got nervous about the money, was afraid it was tied to illegal activities... and was afraid to have it in my possession... so I left it. Leaving the money behind made some people really angry and they were chasing me... and I had to seek refuge with Michael's family while trying to figure out how to get out of there.

That one is also pretty self-explanatory... and the money, I'm sure, represents the things I left behind when I left Jacksonville. At one point I was offered a similar sum of money to leave... and I turned it down... and then I was offered a smaller sum of money to leave... and I accepted it... it was given to me but then it was taken away... when I finally left, I left without much. He helped me... sent me some money... and it made a huge difference for us up here... I would still be living in my brother's basement otherwise.

I really miss Michael's family. I think back a year ago to Michael's family Christmas party... I enjoyed meeting his cousins and extended family. My mother-in-law seemed so proud to introduce me to her inlaws... even though it is good for me to be here, it is hard to have to walk away from a marriage and from an entire family.

I've got to start getting ready for work... hope you all have a beautiful day! Stay warm (it's 24 degrees here right now!) and be safe. *hugs*

6 comments:

Big Mark 243 said...

Interesting post, you and your dreams. Hope you had a great day!

sober white women said...

I do hope that you are not getting sick. I know what you mean about not having the time to be sick.
One of the things I do to make my morning a little easier, is I pack Rusty's lunch the night before. It is always left overs. LOL
Kelli

Julie said...

Strange dreams. You probably are coming down with a cold. Julie

Tina said...

i will occasionally have a dream about me and rob. they never go well. always about giving with one hand and taking with another. more of his mental stuff.
I hope you have better dreams tonight! and kick that cold!
tina

LYN said...

I truly believe you were never meant to be in jacksonville..I knew in my heart you wouldn't be married to Michael for very long...you were not ready to hear that from anyone and had to learn the hard way as we all do...it is one of the reasons I walked away from our friendship..I could not stand by and be part of something I felt was so wrong for you...I hope you understand that now....I am very proud of the steps you have taken ...

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