feeling groovy

There's a lot of love here. I feel it. I appreciate it. You guys really motivate me and encourage me and give me (even more) reason to drag my tired butt out of bed every day.

I got some great comments about the rings... and I can tell you, for the first time since my wedding, these rings are about the bling and not about the emotional attachment. They're mine and they're nice and I would not be able to get near the kind of money that was paid for them... when I look at them, I don't think about Michael. I think about how strong I am on my own. I think about how some things matter more than money... self-respect, for one. I think about how things aren't always what they seem. How you have to believe in yourself and not count on anyone else for your happiness. How if someone shows you who they are, you should believe them. The first time. I think about how perfectly God orchestrates our lives and how I needed to go through what I went through to be who I'm supposed to be. There is no grieving. There is no holding on to the past. There is no desire to rekindle that relationship. My feelings at this point are barely better than loathing. There are some real objectionable things that have happened that I'm not at liberty to discuss... but they cemented my decision to leave that part of my life behind. I am free.

I had emails from two of my "sisters" today. You know... God didn't see fit to give me sisters by birth but He has given me sisters by choice and they are even more special to me. They are my chosen sisters! Somehow I have been fortunate enough to have people who have chosen me back... and who stand up and say what they think I need to hear... who are not afraid to share their hearts with me. Money can't buy that kind of love. I don't take it for granted. I don't take those chosen brothers for granted either, by the way...

Tonight was our office Christmas party. We had dinner at a nice little Italian place on the town square in Clarkesville. Austin had eaten there before with Jim and Angie but I had never been there. We had a nice time. Austin sat with the kids and entertained them... I sat across from Duane's wife and enjoyed getting to know her and Ginger's son Stephen (who is Cody's age). Every normal activity that I do is precious to me. Having a job. Having a gathering to go to... being a part of any group... all that means more to me than it did before. I'm blessed to be alive. I'm blessed to have the life I live.

Of course, that meant that I was out past my bedtime... and I'm wiped out... and this earache is driving me NUTS... I have a doctors appointment on Thursday morning. I could have gone tomorrow afternoon but that would have meant that Austin couldn't stay after for his weekly tutoring session (that he really needs) and we wouldn't have been able to have dinner at church... and I really need that. So I have to hang in there until Thursday morning. Advil is taking the edge off, I'll be ok.

Kristin Chenowith - who I LOOOOVE - was on Martha Stewart last night. She's such a doll! She has a new Christmas CD out which I'm adding to my Christmas list. I'm watching the Biggest Loser tonight. and going to sleep very soon...

Thanks for being a part of my really awesome, amazing, blessed, incredible life. See you tomorrow!
*hugs*