My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

under the influence

I'm blogging under the influence...
ok. not really. i don't drink.
It's not that kind of influence...
I just spent a little bit of time talkin' to someone who makes me very happy...
someone from the past who is planning to be part of my future.
It was just really nice.
We are trying to figure out our relationship.
Trying to figure out where we go from here... since we live about two hours apart and we both work a lot. And we both have responsibilities where we live. And probably, that's going to be a good thing....
We have plans to spend some time together over the holidays.
And that makes me very happy.
So I'm under the influence of giddiness.
Sleepy. Silly. Happy. Girly. Giddiness.
It feels good to talk to someone who appreciates me as I am. Who doesn't want to change me, correct me, fix me... someone who doesn't need to be smarter than me.... someone who doesn't call me names... or focus on my mistakes... but who encourages me to grow... who loves not only who I am now, but who I've been and where I've been... who when I talk about people calling me "head case" ... laughs... because I'm no crazier than anyone else. I'm just a girl who loved too much. It's nice to know that he knows that. It's nice to not have to explain myself. Excuse myself. Apologize for being who I am. It's good. Very good.
I haven't felt this way in a long time.

Other than that... it's raining, I still have an earache and stubby the three legged wonder cat/siamese twin is still stuck to my leg. If you take him away from me he screeches like he's being skinned alive. I've had a good day. A long day. I went to work. I picked Austin up from school. We went to church. We had dinner at church. I had bible study. I came home. I talked on the phone with a friend. Then I talked on the phone with a special friend. And now I'm about to curl up in my big cozy nest and go to sleep.

Back in the day... before Jacksonville... before Michael at all... back in the day when my special friend was *the guy*... he would come by at night when I was just about asleep... and he would slip in beside me... I had a twin bed... so it was small! and he would sleep beside me until dawn... he's a big guy... not fat, mind you... the kind of big that comes from lifting weights for ... I guess he's been doing that for twenty five years now... he's solid... and broad... and I loved to lie beside him.

He and I have agreed that we seek to be holy. We are both walking in faith right now. We want to continue to be in God's grace. We have agreed to seek God's will for our lives - seperately and together. We agree that we want to be smart... and be cautious... and we agree that I have been through a lot emotionally... and he wants to be so careful... to not hurt me.... he may just be the one man on the planet that I would trust to never hurt me... (outside of my family, I mean... ). But I really want to put my head on that huge, strong chest and feel those stretch armstrong arms around me....

There have been touchstones for me all along my journey. Bases. Safe places. The first safe place was my brother... when he would call at the hospital, when he came to see me in the hospital.... I knew I was on the way home. The next safe place was being with my boys... I watched for them through the thick glass of the hospital and jumped up and down when I saw them. I ran to them... and to my friend... the first meal out of the hospital was a safe place... being packed up and leaving was a safe place... crossing the state line... my first Sunday at church... joining the church... finding a home, finding a job... each of these has been a milestone, a place of rest and safety. Every normal, ordinary thing that I thought would never be the same again... safety.

His arms will be the next safe place and I can't get there soon enough to satisfy me.

He sent me a text this week that said, "we need to talk".
I don't know about you... but for me... that is never a good sign.
I wrote back, "that is never good" and he said, "no, it's very good".
And it is.
Time for me to go to sleep.
Happy Wednesday! *hugs*

14 comments:

Remo said...

I told you this was going to be a good year.

No one ever listens to me. LOL

Tina said...

isn't fun to feel like this? Someday, I will find someone that makes me feel like that.
enjoy yourself. you deserve it!

Big Mark 243 said...

LOL ... I don't know how much 'fun' it is to feel like this, but it does feel better that some of the other stuff that there is to feel ..!

I am super mega happy for you ... make sure you let up on the accelerator ... momentum alone should take you thru most times. The other times, the good feelings will pull you thru

just me said...

I am glad you are so happy.
Barbara

Cw2sMom/Lisa said...

Wonderful news! I am glad that things are looking up! Blessings Sweetie! Lisa

Sweetnessk71 said...

Thats great that things are going good for you..take care :)

kris

Wendy in Oz said...

Hmmm.... I can see your lips curling upward all the way down here in Oz!!! You know I always liked that 'special' big guy! He was always kind to you, always honest, and always cared - about you and your boys. He NEVER lied about who he was or what he had to offer. He is a good man and I think maybe (like we all hoped he would!!!) he has realised he has one more chance to make things as they should be - the two of you -TOGETHER!!!! I really hope it works out for you two. You know for sure that he would NEVER hurt you - that is something very special - especially after what you have been thru with HE who shall not be named!!!
Hugs

Wendy in Oz

Myra said...

I remember your relationship back in the day...it just wasn't the time for it then. Maybe it is now. Good to hear you so happy. Sad to hear the way you were treated...NO ONE deserves to be treated that way...ever!

Tracy said...

im glad someone is making you happy! have a goood day. hugs

sober white women said...

I do hope that all goes well and this guy, You deserve to be happy and to have someone in your life.
Life is good.
Kelli

Danielle said...

Oh Heather how are you gonna leave us hanging like that on you know whos text?!?!?!?!? ARGH! Take care and have a GREAT time this holiday.

Ericanbiloxi said...

love drunk....I am so happy for you.

Mary said...

Yay . . . I'm so happy for you . . . good wishes to you!
Ly,
Mary

Beth said...

That sounds wonderful, Heather, and I hope everything works out well.