My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

a very big God loves a very small us

You know, I think we have this thing backwards.

We act as if we are these great, intelligent beings who ... if properly persuaded can allow a little room for faith in God in our lives. We acknowledge that there is probably a "higher power". We subscribe to a moral code loosely based on the Ten Commandments. Most of us know a bible verse or two and many of us go to church on Sunday.

Do you realize that the great and powerful, amazing creator of the universe seeks your company? We should be honored that He would consider a speck of dust... a vapor...

Let me put it this way: I completely adore Tim Tebow, Heisman winning quarterback of my beloved Florida Gators. If Tim Tebow wished to have lunch with me, you can bet that there is NOTHING that would prevent me from making myself available. The reason? I admire him. He's famous. He has done great things for the University of Florida football team while doing great things to spread the Gospel of Christ. He's a good person.

I watched a video this morning entitled "How Great Is Our God" by Lou Giglio. I would try to embed it for you but that never seems to work for me. search on youtube and you will find it... it will only take a few minutes to understand the gist of what his message is... that the universe is huge... beyond what we can comprehend... and God made it.

And the God who SPOKE this universe into being is also concerned with every single detail of your life. The bible tells us that a sparrow can't fall to the ground without Him knowing. Psalm 33:18 says "But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love". A verse that I shared with a friend last night who was feeling discouraged... Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".

This morning the youth group of our church put on a drama to the song, "My Grown Up Christmas List". Amy Grant first recorded it (you can also search for this on youtube... Wish I was better at embedding this stuff but I hope you will listen!) Her wish list includes, "No more lives torn apart... that wars would never start... and time would heal all hearts. Everyone would have a friend... and right would always win.. and love would never end."

I've spent a lot of time feeling rejected and unloved. I've felt like it was stamped on my forehead that I come from a broken relationship... that would definitely be my cardboard testimony! I feel like everyone who looks at me can see it... it's like being fired... you find another job eventually but the disappointment and shame sort of lingers. I don't doubt for a second that God will work this situation for my good. The eternal and spirtual benefit is undoubtedly positive but the earthly hurt and frustration is very real. No matter how hard I strive to be Godly, I still live here on this earth and I still exist in a human body. I feel the hurt. Sometimes I feel it so strongly I can barely breathe.

And let me just say to my sweet friend who is going through a similar situation, hang on... there are beautiful things coming for you... this time is meant for you to learn to trust God.... which will give you hope for a better, happier relationship in the future.

What I'm trying to say is that a very big God sees a very small you and wants you to know Him as well as He knows you. I don't have all the answers. I can just tell you what works for me. There is a very real healing taking place in my life and it would be disingenuous for me to not tell you about it. As time goes by I find myself drawn more and more to the Word of God. It helps me. I believe there are tougher times ahead... and I don't mean emotionally... I mean physically, for all of us. I believe that the economy will continue to deteriorate and that the gap between the haves and the have nots will widen. I believe that the faith we have put in money and self-sufficiency will prove to be false hope and that ultimately it will come down to complete dependence on God.

I've struggled with allowing God to really have control of my life. I've struggled with sharing my deepest hope and faith with those in my life who I know don't believe the same way I do. I've sort of ridden the fence. I've listened to the words of someone who thinks himself equal to or greater than God. Today was a real eye opener for me... to begin to contemplate the universe and how big it really is... at least as far as we know at this time. Earth is a very small planet in a very small solar system and we are just specks on that planet. And yet we matter to God. Our lives weave in and out of the lives of other. There is a purpose and a plan for each of us.

I joined Helen First Baptist Church today. I've rejected organized religion for a very long time. During my time of loneliness I grew to hunger for the consistency of church. I needed community. From the very first day... my very first Sunday... the day I soaked my knees with tears as I knelt at the altar, begging God for healing... for a home... for a job... from that first moment, the people of that church have loved me. They have embraced me. There has been no judgement, no rejection. Only acceptance and love.

Ok... here's your googling homework: google Lou Giglio, My Grown Up Christmas List, laminin... (that last one I just tossed in there... it's part of the video I saw today).

Let me close with this... there was a song sung at Misty's funeral that had special meaning BEFORE then to me... and has even more precious meaning to me now... I can't embed it but here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEswcXc-CCU I like to imagine that she is sitting at the feet of Jesus worshipping Him and interceding on the behalf of those she loved here on earth - and there are many, for she was a loving person. I looked at my list of incoming calls today and her last call to me is still listed. October 9th. 5:17pm. 33 minutes and 45 seconds. I can remember vividly sitting in my lawn chair in my living room with my feet propped up on a rubbermaid container... I had no furniture yet... I had not started work yet... so much in my life was up in the air and she was so encouraging. She was nine months pregnant and worried about me. She's sitting there now... interceding for me.

love and hugs!


4 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

We had an Advemt service this afternoon and the speaker talked about our great God and how small we are in the universe too. He is so BIG we cannot imagine, yet He can count every hair on our heads. He is a loving Father and will never forsake or leave us. Some how even in our darkest moments He gently speaks to us and gives us the courage to go on. Great news for sure. 'On Ya'-ma

Lynette said...

Hi Heather,

I am a fairly new reader and coincidentally(?) discovered your journal at the same time as I was rediscovering the roots of my own faith, which were long ago set aside to make room for more earthly pursuits.

I just wanted to let you know that your posts have helped me a great deal, in large part because your humanness shines through and I can relate to you.

You are still a young woman, and although I don't know you, I'd like to suggest that you seriously consider pursuing the ministry at some point. You could do a world of good, and I know your sermons would never bore anyone. You are so articulate and yet so "down home" that I think perhaps you were meant for something greater (not that selling insurance isn't important, it definitely is... but unfortunately, it focuses on bad outcomes instead of good ones).

There are a lot of grants out there to help women go back to school and still have enough money to live on.

Just something to think about. At the very least consider getting involved in some type of Christian theater, with your theater background!

Blessings to you during this holiest of seasons, and always.

Lynnette

Lynette said...

Me again... just wanted to share a song with you that I'm sure you've probably heard, but it's so powerful that it brings tears to my eyes, and I think it's probably the best Christmas song ever written. (It takes about 15 seconds to begin.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2J8n_Kbrco&feature=related

Big Mark 243 said...

This was quite an entry to share, I think. Lots of good points and things to think about.

I am glad to have read this!