because He lives

I was working on finding a good shot for Jim and Angie's Christmas card. The beautiful leaves seemed like a perfect background! I think these pics turns out awesome!

Sarabeth and Jamie (my nieces)
Grandma with my brother Jim, sister in law Angie and nieces Jamie and Sarabeth

Sarabeth with her Great-grandmother Leta. Sarabeth Leah Gant, named Sarabeth for Grandma's mother, Sarah Elizabeth Bulloch Ward

Picture of me taken this morning.

Thank you for your sweet, encouraging comments and emails. I am still struggling to wrap my mind around the tragic loss of Bobby's mom. It seems so unthinkable... Austin may have summed it up best when relaying to me a text conversation he had with our former neighbor, Brady (aka Rock Star!).

Brady: "Dude... how could that happen?"

Austin: "IDK.... IDK"

(IDK is text shorthand for "I don't know")

Misty's body has been sent to Atlanta for autopsy and I am greatly troubled by that thought. I know that she is no longer in her earthly body but it feels like such an enormous violation. And again, I am acutely aware that but for the Grace of God, go I. Once the investigative process is complete, the family can begin to plan a funeral.

I know that some of you are concerned about my emotional well being in making the trip to Albany, in being in that emotionally charged situation... I will just tell you that I need to be there. I need this for myself, for my healing, for my closure. My mom and Cody have offered to go with me, and depending on the details and timing, I will take one or both of them up on the offer.

Things are congenial between Michael and I. We gained a bit of perspective this weekend. We will not ever live together again, but I hope we will always be friends. I care about him. I care that he and his child are going through a rough time.

Bobby is being stoic and clinical about all of this. Right now his "best cousin" is in town and he is enjoying her company. I am sure that there will be a time that he will begin to process these events and I am confident that Michael will provide the support that he needs. Michael has always had infinite patience for Bobby and I'm sure that will be ever more true now. He will grieve in his own time and his own way.

For me... today was a busy day and every moment was filled so I didn't have much time to process things. The only real breakdown moment for me came today while singing the hymn, "Because He Lives". There is a verse that goes like this:

How sweet to hold a newborn baby and feel the pride and joy he gives... but greater still, the calm assurance this child can face uncertain days because He lives. Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because He lives all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just because He lives.

In that verse I shook with silent sobs and tears just rolled down my cheeks. Angie was playing the drums up and could see me. When she came down into the congregation she reached for my hand and squeezed it. I couldn't help thinking of baby Brennan and the fact that he would never know his mother. Melissa and Bobby have wonderful memories of her but Brennan never got the chance to know her. But yet, I know that this child can face uncertain days because Christ lives.

For me... it's not hopelessness that brings the deepest emotion... it's humility in knowing and understanding the Awesome Power of God and knowing that even in this He will be Glorified. I am incredibly sad about Misty but I know that God is working in this situation.