the start of another week

Between Stubby the 3 legged Wonder Vampire Cat (Vampire because he is up all night) and the baby who lives next door... I am apparently not supposed to get a full night's sleep. I tried Erica's trick of making sure the cat had food... he does... it's not about the food... it's about him wanting our undivided attention.

I understand to some degree... nights are lonely.

We are officially small town residents because last night while stopping at the grocery store we ran into two people we knew. First we saw Kyle's mom. Kyle is Austin's friend that we had the issue with last weekend... you remember, the people who made Austin pay for their gas to take the boys to buy snacks - which Austin paid for??? Oh my... I was surprised... she is sweet... and friendly... and was excited to see Austin... and she introduced herself and was really a normal person... not the scary sketchy type of person I assumed they would be. I told her we like Kyle but that we LOVE her little girl Emily... she said that Emily had this blue rubber band that I had given her and was wearing it as a bracelet... and kept talking about how Austin's mom gave her a bracelet. Wow. We just never know the impact we make on others in our little driveby encounters. I have to be more careful about being kind.

The other people we ran into were my cousin Kevin and his wife, Tobye. They are the parents of Austin's best friend for life - Devin. One of the factors in my moving here was so that Austin and Devin could finally be able to see each other more than just on holidays and birthdays... but we had not been able to connect with them... we had called and called without response. I was led to believe that perhaps Kevin and Tobye were avoiding us because of something that happened last Thanksgiving so after a time, I stopped trying to get in touch with them. (that was not the case... as usual... it was a mountain made of a molehill... the issue was much less minor than I had been led to believe). My SIL Angie sees Tobye occasionally at the college (because Angie is a professor and Tobye is a student in the same program, although I don't think Tobye has Angie as an instructor) and Angie had told Tobye we were trying to get in touch with them. Angie told me last week that she didn't believe there was any issue... but I had not yet tried again to reach them. As we were leaving the grocery store in the FREEZING cold and literally running to the car I heard someone call my name... and it was Tobye and Kevin! They were as excited to see us as we were to see them. We talked about how to get in touch... and I found out that they are clients of MY office and that they refer a lot of business there. Good stuff.

The funny thing was that Austin REALLY wanted to eat dinner either at the pizza buffet place or at McDonalds. I just wanted to grab something from the deli and eat at home. He complained a bit but by the time we got in the store, he was over it. Then after we saw Tobye and Kevin, he agreed that it was a good idea to go to the grocery store.

Another funny thing from yesterday that I forgot to share... Austin had one of those "aha" moments in church last night as we were doing the Lord's Supper. It's a little different in a Baptist church than it is in some faiths... we sit and the deacons pass around the little bits of bread and then once that is prayed over and consumed, they pass around the little cups of juice. It's a quiet, serious, somber and reverent process. Because they pass the bread and you hold it in prayerful reflection until the entire church body has been served and then the pastor serves the deacons and the pastors are served... there is a significant quiet pause... in the middle of that last night Austin said (in a not quite quiet enough stage whisper) "Hey mom... I know why we have unleavened bread, I'm reading that part in Exodus right now"... I don't know how many people heard him... the church was quiet enough and he was loud enough that everyone could have... but I have to believe that whoever heard him had to appreciate his child-like faith more than they were aggravated at the interruption of the solitude.

I had a couple of emails that I was unable to open this morning... one from my cousin Melissa.... so Melissa... if I can't get it open by this afternoon, I'll ask you to resend it. Melissa is having trouble with my blog... I don't know how to tell her to fix it so I'll ask if any of you are having similar problems... when she clicks on my link it takes her to an old day... and she is unable to maneuver forward to the current day some of the time. Anybody have a clue what's happening? I link into the feed and click the title of the blog to get to the blog. It always works for me. The title link is not available wherever she's going - maybe i can do it because I'm the blog owner?

Now Stubby the 3legged WonderVampire Cat is trying to sleep and is glaring at me because I have the bedroom light on. Too bad, brat! I am both writing here and reading the bible... it's pre-dawn... and I am not ready to get out of my cozy nest yet... but I am way past the point of being able to go back to sleep. This is the stage of morning where I just let the A.D.D. have complete control and enjoy the flow of thoughts... every now and then I land on something that requires a bit more reflection... but for the most part, I embrace this time when I don't have to be focused on anything... because for the bulk of the day, I have to be on my game.

I told you yesterday that I was inspired by the thought of how Paul and Peter both had "death row epistles". How much more weight do those books of the Bible have when you look at them in the light of "these men were about to be killed for their faith".??? And wow... for me... how encouraging to read what they had to say in a time of loneliness and desperation! IN both they discuss the last days... false teachers... scoffers... evil desires... I'm only now beginning to get into this study but I am fascinated, just by the first glance in my new perspective. It's good to be at this new level of awareness.

I have never NOT read the Bible. Even during my dark days of being out of fellowship with the church, I still read the Bible several times a week or would meditate on a verse or two. It did not mean as much to me then as it does now... and as with any practice... the more you do something, the better you get at it. I'm not sure there's ever been a time in my life like now... when faith was all I was holding on to. I went to church, at first, because it was more of a cultural thing, it was how I was raised. Then I went to church because it was more of a social thing - that's where all our adult/couple friends were. It was a place where I could have a break from my little ones for a few hours. It was a place to catch up on gossip and get to sing a bit and to have a few "feel good" hours of "doing the right thing". Then there was a time of "wandering in the wilderness" where I felt that I didn't belong anywhere... in any church... and was so discouraged that I couldn't MAKE myself go to church, as badly as I realized it was exactly what I needed. That's what makes this time in my life so special... I am so grateful to have a church home, to have a place where I belong and am accepted and am not the "freaky lady whose husband stopped loving her". Last night when I stopped by the girls' classroom to tell them good night and get a "squeeze"... little Eli just snuck right into a hug... those moments make it so good to be a part of the family of God. Before church I had a few minutes to chat with my friend Cyndi... in the quiet of the sanctuary... and it was just so good to be there. Those connections make all the difference in the world for me.

There have been few times in my life where I have hungered and thirsted for righteousness. I have been aware of God, conscious of God, respectful of God... I have feared hell-fire and brimstone... but this is the first time that I can remember that I have clung to my faith like a drowning man clings to a life raft. There is a knowledge deep within me that this is the only way I will survive.

That is not to say that I have never experienced the Power of God. It's just different now. Think of it like the man who sorta exercises every now and then to keep in shape and to look good... but doesn't do it consistently... and then he has a heart attack... all of a sudden, doing what has been right for him all along becomes about survival, not just looking and feeling good. That's where I am. It's something that goes beyond outward impressions and showing up on Sunday mornings... it's about reconstructing myself from the inside... building a foundation that will last, not just for the rest of my time here on earth, but building a character that will survive for eternity. It's how I am able to deal with the Jerry Springer episodes of my life instead of crumbling at every crisis.

Remember the tee-tiny preemie baby girl I told you about in October? She is doing very well... her dad is keeping a little website with updates if you'd like to peek in on them... http://edenisborn.shutterfly.com/. I really enjoy the updates... her parents are both pretty dramatic and fun people...

I am working Monday thru Friday ONLY this week. No Saturday! Then the next week I will work three days and then have four days off. I am reallllllllly looking forward to that! I just have to get thru this little bitty five day work week and then I can have a break... that's good stuff! I have a doctors appointment Thursday morning and I am looking forward to discussing my meds and seeing if we need to change anything... I will have to have another mammogram in December because of the questionable nature of the one in June... there is some unfinished business in my health... and I have to get into a healthier eating pattern and somehow find a way to exercise ... more like a person who is doing it for survival instead of just to look good. The looking good... well, I'm sort of over that. I am who I am. I just want to train my body in the same way that I am seeking to train my spirit.

This is a really long post... and it's time for me to start getting ready for work. Hope you all have a beautiful day and a fabulous week! *hugs*