My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

it is well with my soul

I just caught Stubby the three legged wonder cat drinking from the toilet and it totally grossed me out.

That's not the most significant thing that happened today but it's the most recent.

Today was a difficult day but a blessed day. We are home safe and sound and I am tired but not completely exhausted, as I had feared. The last hour on the road was the worst... driving these curvy mountain roads in pitch black dark with the occasional car coming in the other direction with their bright lights in my eyes. My eyes are really weak - other than that, I'm fine, no worse for the wear.

The funeral was sad - but they all are, right? Bobby was a little wound up, but that's to be expected. Michael was kind and hugged me (he told me to blog about that, so I am). All things considered... to think that I got out of the hospital six weeks ago today and moved up here six weeks ago Friday, it's rather amazing to realize that I spent the day with my estranged husband and one of his baby mamas while burying the other baby mama. We were quite civilized... actually... I would say that we were a supportive albeit dysfunctional family. That is soooo God! I would have never believed that I could have the capacity for the kind of day we had today... but God's Grace is greater than my humble human expectations. I can't tell you whether or not I was any comfort to Michael... how much comfort can a soon-to-be-ex-wife be?... but I know that I was supposed to be there.

Bobby was distant to me but was excited to see Cody. He introduced him as, "Cody Sauls... he's a baseball player". You can see what impresses Bobby! Bobby was also distant with his father... this seems to be his coping mechanism and it is hard to watch but SOOOOO much like his father to not want any cuddling or coddling and to want to press on and live life as normal as possible.

I did get to see Michael's nephew Elijah who I adore... and I got to meet baby Brennan... I knelt before his little carrier and touched his tiny head and prayed over him quietly. This felt incredible... I felt God's spirit so real and powerful in that moment... May the Lord bless you and keep you... May the Lord make His face shine upon you and give you peace... A simple prayer... for a child who starts life at a great disadvantage. I met Brennan's father and his heartbreak was palpable...

As fate would have it, we caught up with Stephen (my older stepson) and his mom on the way down to Albany and had lunch with them outside of Macon (which is about an hour south of Atlanta). Stephen got in my car with Cody and I drove Stephen's mom's rental car the rest of the way down with Stephen's mom and her sister. The boys enjoyed their time together and it was nice to get to know Stephen's mom as I had never met her. They live in South Dakota. After the funeral we went back to Misty's house for a bit and then Stephen, his mom, his aunt, Cody and myself went to dinner. It was helpful... we had the same unique perspective on the situation. Michael had been reluctant to have us together but we found in each other... at least I found in her... the same thing that I had always found in Misty... a love for Michael, like what I have now... and appreciation for his strength and wisdom and wit and generousity...and understanding of why it just didn't work... he would suspect we were bashing him... the truth is closer to celebrating who he is and what he has meant to us...

The process of healing has taken such huge and strange paths over the past six weeks. Ask me how I know that God is real? Because I feel him every step of the journey... and He is good.

Love and hugs!

7 comments:

Tina said...

I am glad that the trip brought some healing for you. and it is fitting, since funerals are really for US, the living, rather than for the dead.
rest well
tina

Nancy said...

I'm so glad you were able to rest in God through the day yesterday, and that you could see and feel His hand upon you. Continued prayers...

Nancy

sober white women said...

I am glad that everything went as well. These things are never easy. I am glad to hear that you sailed through this grace.
Kelli

Myra said...

You are probably the most comforted by the experience because of His grace in your life. Whatever lies ahead for each of you, only He knows...but trust Him wholly and completely. He has never let you down.

Ericanbiloxi said...

I am glad that your trip was a safe one and one that made you even more stronger, knowing you were not only able to be in a room with people that ordinarily, would NOT be able to tolerate one another lol and actually feel at peace in yourself and with them. That is huge!

Tracy said...

im glad you had a safe trip! hugs

Emmi said...

Glad to hear everything went well.