skinned alive: one 14 year old boy

Austin's lack of judgement knows no bounds.

He wanted to spend the night with his friend. The boy seems nice enough... lives in our neighborhood... and so forth. He asked for money to go buy snacks. I didn't have any cash. I offered to run to the store and they both said they'd be ok without them.

A half hour later Austin showed back up and asked if he could have my ATM card to go get snacks. I agreed. (who is lacking judgement? me, I guess) I told him to get $40 out at the ATM and he could spend $10 on snacks for he and his friend. His friend's stepfather was driving them to the store which is... maybe 3 miles away.

I had a funny feeling about things. I called Austin to remind him of his instructions. He didn't answer. I texted him. He didn't respond. Finally after about another half hour he came back with my ATM card and $8.

"Where is the rest of the money?"
"I had to pay for gas and the snacks were $20".

Had to pay for gas. Hmmm. Wait a minute.

He had already zoomed back out the door to go to his friend's house. I started calling him again. Four calls. Four text messages before he answers.

"what do you mean you had to pay for gas?"
"well... his stepdad was on empty so he wouldn't take us unless we could pay for gas".
"you mean the adult who was responsible for this child would not take him anywhere unless his GUEST had money to pay him for gas?"

I told Austin to come back home immediately. I have no intention of allowing him to build friendships where I am responsible for funding all their activities. I would if I could but I can't... I just don't have the money. I am appalled that an adult would require that of a child. I can't for the life of me imagine asking one of my kids' friends to pay for my gas... regardless of how limited my funds were. If I couldn't afford the gas to take them somewhere, I just wouldn't take them.

Honestly... I would have rather taken them myself if that was the deal. I wasn't presented with the requirements until my money was already gone. I was already paying for the snacks. And I understand that the economic conditions here are more limited... but not to the extent that I would extort money from a child. The store was maybe 3 miles away... that justified 5 gallons of gas? I feel like I was robbed.

When Austin got home I told him we couldn't afford friendships with people like that. Since he doesn't have the good judgement to understand what's right and wrong in those situations, I can't risk having him exposed to that sort of thing. His friend came up to check on him and apologize... but not to return the money... because his stepfather doesn't have money. Austin told him he couldn't be friends with him...

And then I heard Austin sobbing loudly in his room. I called him back in my room to talk to him about having to have judgement that is strong enough to outweigh any bad judgement around him. I told him that if a neighbor of ours was in need and asked me for ten dollars for gas, I would almost always give it without question... but that the way the money was taken was wrong. I told him to think about whether or not he can carry the weight of judgement for himself and those around him... and if he can take that responsibility, then we have more leeway with who he can be friends with.

But here is a 15 year old boy who is responsible for his two year old sister.... whose stepfather extorts money from a 14 year old boy in the act of doing what I consider any parent's reasonable act of responsibility. I have severe concerns about what kind of people they are... and I know that my son doesn't have the wisdom to do the right thing in every situation.... and I have to keep him out of situations where his poor judgement and the lack of parental supervision will lead to bad consequences. Like spending my grocery money on a Friday night party that I couldn't afford to give.