hello from white, bitter, rural America

"White, bitter, rural areas that cling to their guns and religion"... that's where McCain is predicted to win. I take offense at that! I'm not the least bit bitter!

Gosh. There's so much I want to blog about today and I know I'm going to forget half of it.

I can't even begin to tell you how absolutely CARRIED I feel today. I have had moments where I shed a few tears and where my heart has felt heavy. There have been times I reached for my phone to text Misty and catch her up on things... someone very wise told me today that I should still talk to Misty... even though she will answer in a different way now.

I want to tell her how sorry I am.... that I pray that her babies will all know how special she was... that I hate that she won't be able to share the moments that make being a mom all worth it... the graduations... and proms... and little league games... I want to tell her that her kids will be ok... but I don't know. I know that it will be a tough road for all of them... but I'm proud of how the men in her life have stepped up and worked together to take care of things, at least here in the beginning of the grieving process.

Her funeral will be Wednesday.

I went in to our staff meeting this morning and shared with my coworkers what had happened. Duane said we needed to stop and pray... and we did! I've never worked in that sort of environment before! I will tell you... I shed a few tears then... and this afternoon when it all sort of caught up with me. My mind has been a thousand miles away... it's hard to focus... I still can't believe it.

I love the comments that I look like a teenager in my picture from yesterday... here's the secret: when I had that "thing" taken off my head in September, the doctor pulled the skin tighter... I had a modified facelift! Ha! No, seriously, I just think that the peace I feel right now shows. Today it didn't... today I look tired and weary.

Driving home tonight, because of the time change, I was treated to a view of the sunset over the mountains...the sky was the most vivid colors! Then a deer ran out in the road - fortunately far enough ahead of me that I was in no danger of hitting him. It's a treat for me... and so peaceful... it makes driving home a real time of relaxation... even though I had to make a grocery run before I could go home... we were out of EVERYTHING! I still keep forgetting to buy some of the basics - like olive oil! And then... I came home and spent some time on the phone with good, healthy, healing conversation... and then cooked tuna steak for dinner (with broccoli slaw and deviled eggs... ). Austin had a friend over - his first since moving here. I was excited that he has made a friend. They had a good time with the Wii and Austin even invited his friend to church with him! "Dude... you should totally go to my church... it's awesome!"... from the kid who "super mega loathed" going to church just two weeks or so ago!

And now... I'm going to curl up and veg out in front of the tv. It's a Jon and Kate Plus 8 night! *hugs*